Have namechanged for this but have posted about aspects of this in the past. Basically it's my half sister's wedding tommorrow and I feel I'm going to struggle with it a bit because I feel it's going to spell out in black and white the differences between us. I've been in counselling recently to deal with how I was brought up (mother left when I was about 5, was brought up by dad and stepmum who were - and still are - quite toxic towards me because, I believe, I remind them of my mother who they hate.)
Won't go into it all as we'll be here all day, but basically, I got married last year and there's a big contrast with how things are panning out. Firstly, when DH and I got engaged we didn't get a single engagement card from any of the family. When I was trying to arrange the wedding my dad and SM would not discuss it with me at all, until I booked the venue, at which point they realised it was happening either way and got very controlling about the guest list (wanting to know if my mother was going) to the point where my SM actually phoned the venue and demanded to know who was staying there. Because I did invite my mother they barely spoke to me on the day, refused to take part in the ceremony or to do a reading and when my dad did make a speech it was really pointedly aimed at my mother and all about what a massive sacrifice it is to bring up children, with not really anything nice said about me in it. He then didn't speak to me the rest of the day, actually turned his back on me at one point and walked out without saying goodbye.
I think tomorrow will be really difficult for me because basically, my half sister's parents have never got divorced and they have nothing to punish her for. I think the speech bit in particular will be tough to sit through - that and the fact people will be asking why I'm not a bridesmaid. It's already started; she's got about four, several of her friends and our cousin (who we've all been told is "like a sister to us") and another cousin is an usher. We're not on great terms after an incident last year, but she's had the bridesmaids picked out for well over a year, I know because she was talking about it in front of me, she just never intended to ask me. Which is fair enough, she can do what she likes, I dont' particulalrly want to be one anyway, I just didn't realise our relationship was so distant that she would involve everyone else and not me. If I'd chosen my cousin and not her for a bridesmaid my parents would have played hell.
Anyway, I don't want to sound all self pitying but I haven't had a counselling session for a long time and am aware that this is stressing me out. I dont' want it to, am trying to maintain a dignified, philosophical take on it, but it's difficult when your face is going to be rubbed in the fact that your father thinks you're not worth shit and his other daughter is wonderful. Sorry to ramble on.