"daddy hurt my arm"

[NicknameTaken]

From my two-year old. She has a minute graze on her elbow, a couple of millimetres wide. Can't see how an adult could have caused it - it's more the kind of thing that you'd get from tripping and scraping your arm. I can't see any bruising or anything.

She's not a particularly reliable narrator, and has been known to claim that she needs some Calpol as her eyebrows hurt (she loves Calpol).

The daddy in question is my ex and he did push me around a bit (no beatings, but shoves). I've never seen him be rough with her, except for clutching her to him in the course of arguments with me.

She talks a lot about wanting to go to his house, but is a tiny bit reluctant during handovers and seems relieved to be back with me. I don't think it's out of the range of normal, though.

I've tried to get more information, but she's not old enough to explain much. I don't want to plant suggestions on her, even unconsciously.

So what do you think? Can I ignore and just keep a sharp eye out? I don't feel I can go charging off to doctors/social workers on the basis of a slight scratch, but I don't want to be wilfully blind to any problems, either.

as you say, teh way a 2 year old says it can be misleading...

ask him - i noticed the graze - did she trip or anything?

not accusatory just information finding.

Thanks, I'll try that.

I'd see if she says anything more substantial as well, but then kids say things. Last week I was at a nursery and a student took hold of a child's arm to balance them. Didn't grab or anything just a gentle steady, hand on arm. Child turned around and said "You just hurt me!" when she clearly hadn't. Kids do come out with these things sometimes so try not to worry!

Agree with C'estLaVie. I completely see why you'd be wary given your X's history, but the scratch doesn't sound like too much (but still worth raising and monitoring).

FWIW, my 2 year old DS calls out "Ow" and "Help" whenever DP or I do anything to him that he doesn't like, such as changing his nappy or grabbing his hand to stop him running into the road. I've had some odd looks from strangers.

And if DS spends any time at all with just one of us then he ignores the other on their return. For instance, DP has spent the week in the States on business, and now tasks such as putting his shoes or coat on get a standard response of "Mummy do it, Daddy no". No doubt Daddy will be flavour of the week again soon. So I wouldn't necessarily read too much into a reluctance at handovers.

Oh, and there have been rate occasions when either DP or I have accidently hurt DS enough to leave a mark (e.g. the time I caught his ear with one of my fingernails when brushing his hair) but that doesn't mean that I did it deliberately or with malice.

My 6 year old STILL declares that I hurt him if I, say, grab him to stop him falling over but he still bumps himself despite my efforts.

FWIW I once grabbed my DS hard enough to leave a bruise on his arm - because he was about to run into the road in front of an approaching car. It's possible something like this happened to your DD - it's also possible that she simply tripped or bumped herself as 2-year-olds often do.
Still, as others have said, given the history ,t's worth keeping an eye on things.

This is reassuring, thanks. My instinct is that it's not serious, but I'm second-guessing myself - horrible to be a mother that's blind to her child being hurt!

She's a fairly assertive character - if I'm trying to hurry her along, she'll shout "Don't push [name]!"

Will just keep watching, watching, watching!

And I've accidentally scratched her with my fingernail before now, so I know that not every mark is necessarily sinister.

Toddlers often say that someone has hurt them. I think it is a stage they go through - kind of denying responsibility or something.

I'd be stright,DDsaid and whilst it lookslike X and you know how she is,I felt I ahd to ask

have done that myself

DS1asa tddlertold someone I had kicked him:he meant splashing water over him in the sea . But its always wotth just conversing.

DS2 has just (5 minutes ago) told me "Daddy sawed me eye" what he means by that is DP asked mhim to move while he was drilling because he kept getting close to the saw and he would hurt his eyes on the sawdust.

Toddlers say lots of things and most can be taken with a pinch of salt.

DS1 once had to have a new leg fitted by a pirate at the coast when a shark bit it off....

I was furious when ds (around 3 at the time) told me that dp was sleeping on the couch when he was meant to be keeping an eye on him and he went out the front door and across the road (strictly forbidden), but calmed down when he went on to say that he leaped onto my neighbours roof and then over all the neighbouring roofs.

I have accidently dropped, tripped up and scratched ds.

My neice says her dad kicks her body, when she was on a thin plastic slide thing, he used to push it up with his foot when she was on it which she loved.

Would definetly ask your dh if he knew how she got the graze, but don't be suprised if he really doesn't know! If there were anything else to it, which I don't think there is, then he will then know you are a very observent mother.

This is all immensely reassuring. I'm very amused by all these toddlers making wild claims. You've talked me down from making accusations against ex at this point.

Ds - nearly 5 - told me that Daddy pushed him in the car yesterday. Daddy agreed - and said that if he'd got in the car without procrastinating for so long, and sat down in his seat rather than stood up, it wouldn't have been necessary!!!

My youngest used to blame the oldest-even when he wasn´t there!

My ds was the cleverest 8 month old in this part of town. Wrote the letters of the alphabet all over the dining room carpet in thick black felt tip pen. According to his sister, that is...

But a few years later, she got her own back by nipping home from school and doing a poo in his trousers when I wasn't looking.

I do still remember (cringing) lying on the floor screaming at my mother YOU KICKED ME, YOU KICKED ME, when she had gently nudged me out of the way. WOund her up splendidly, that did.

It might be worth keeping a log of scratches, etc. all the same. If your ex used to push you around he might be inclined to do the same with your DD; she is 2, and someone with a short wick might be more likely to hurt a 2 yo.

My 2 year old said she didnt like my sisters lovely boyfriend because he "hit" her. The realty is he is about the kindest person you could meet, great with kids and they were in each others company for about 5 minutes in a roomful of family members. Keep an eye but would take with a pinch of salt.

Well, I mentioned it during this morning's handover. He didn't really say anything, as he was fussing over her in welcome. If he was rough with her (God forbid), hopefully he'll know she's verbal enough to report it and I will listen to her. If he wasn't, no harm done. DD was very enthusiastic about going to stay with daddy and I don't want to interfere with it unless it really is necessary.

if its anything like my son who would have social services here in a flash lol

he walked into the coving sticking out on the wall and told everyone i done it this was because we were playing he tripped and hit into it so was my fault

he hurt his arm and again i done it this was because i asked him to tidy away toys and he knocked his arm

whenever i am in eye shot of the boy and he hurts himself i done it lol

i would think if someone hurt somebody you would have huge bruise or more than a tiny graze as ia tiny graze indicates a small knock or fall being pushed hit or anything worse would leave a worse mark slightly like what my son had but this was the wall

i do have to be careful as if anyone says how did you do that he says mummy hurt me lol

i tell my dp he'll get me shot one day but this also goes for anything if he's playing a game and loses i made him lose because i drank some of my tea lol

That's my thinking, bubblagirl - a bruise would look more sinister than a graze.

And how cruel you are to your son

lol i know lol it is amusing though one time he was in bed and bumped himself and he came in really crying mummy you hurt my head i have to take note and tell all to my dp in case he thinks i secretly beat him lol

its worse now his at school as i do worry as one of my friends sons told of her supposed bad treatment and he ended up on risk list with social services for over a yr until they realised all was well lol

luckily all can see how close my son and i are and i have learnt to tell teacher if he has marks etc and how he got them just in case

DS2 keeps telling everyone that I broke DS3's arm when actually DS3 broke MY arm! (super wriggly and extremely weak wrists that seem to fracture at the slightest thing!)

Yikes, Kentucky!