Sexy e mails to other women

[BaggyAgy]

Hi, I really need some help please, or just your thoughts.
My husband flirts and texts various single women, even sending them photos of himself whilst we were on holiday. He says he does it because he wants to be popular. He hides the emails and denies everything I don't know or discover. He appears to have one emotional affair after another. Should I be alarmed? What should I do?

If he earns millions of pounds a year playing sport then you forgive him and turn a blind eye.

Otherwise you kick his arse for him.

BaggyAgy, I find it surprising, to say the least, that you are asking if you should be alarmed. Why don't you ask your jewel of a husband what his reaction would be if it was you sending seductive texts and photos to other single men?

Skidoodle thank you for your message, Unfortunately I am economically dependant on him, though he doesn't earn millions. He says he has never had sex with any of them. Unfortunately he tells lies, but I tend to believe him especially now as he has an enlarged prostate which is affecting his performance, or is it just with me. Aurynne I did ask him if it was okay to behave like him, he was shocked and said no. He says he has now stopped his flirting, but I suspect his is using his phone or face to face flirting. Certainly 2 of the women have e-mailed him recently trying to revive the contact. It is clear from the e mails that they havent heard from him in a while. I discovered his password but he has many e mail addresses. He may have moved on to other women. Sometimes I feel I should retaliate and have a fling. What do you think?

Skidoodle thank you for your message, Unfortunately I am economically dependant on him, though he doesn't earn millions. He says he has never had sex with any of them. Unfortunately he tells lies, but I tend to believe him especially now as he has an enlarged prostate which is affecting his performance, or is it just with me. Aurynne I did ask him if it was okay to behave like him, he was shocked and said no. He says he has now stopped his flirting, but I suspect his is using his phone or face to face flirting. Certainly 2 of the women have e-mailed him recently trying to revive the contact. It is clear from the e mails that they havent heard from him in a while. I discovered his password but he has many e mail addresses. He may have moved on to other women. Sometimes I feel I should retaliate and have a fling. What do you think?

I think retaliating would start a war that both of you would lose. What he is doing is unacceptable, and he just has to stop doing it. Otherwise, it is a deal breaker, in my opinion. If he hasn't got enough with you and needs to see other women, then this is hardly a good base for a marriage, is it?

Thanks aurynne you may well be right. Unfortunately I am unable to leave and divorce would be financially ruinous. I am obliged to stay but need to make tolerable. My distress is overwhelming. He is kind and generous to me in most other ways. He has no male friends and says he needs friends. Men generally don't like him. It is good to know that someone cares. I feel very alone. I would welcome help from everyone please

OP I think the reason people are not posting to this or your other thread is we can't truly empathise with your bottom line. If you won't leave this man under any circumstances (and there is no reason these days why a grown woman needs to be financially dependent on a man) then this is what he believes too.

That since there are no circumstances whereby you will leave him, he can do what ever he wants, with whoever he wants.

So you seem to be asking whether anyone can cope with a man like this - and the silence has been deafening.

Have a look at your self esteem - that seems to be the first step.

he's not going to change.... Why should he? You don't like it but he's allowed to get away with it.. Either get couples councelling or leave him.

Thing is, you've made your choice - you intend to stay for financial reasons.

So you stay, and you accept that he does this, if you truly can't get him to stop and you're not prepared to put yourself in a different financial situation by leaving, then what are your options?

ATM, the money means more to you than the respect and consideration - I'm not having a go, that's your choice and who can decide for you that you can't make that choice.

I think that you just need to be honest - he does this and all you can do is ask him to stop, but if he won't, you'll do nothing because you want the financial security.

I feel for you. It can't be nice.

Where is your self respect? Are you really saying that money is more important to you than that?

if you are really so certain that you have to remain with him, then the answer to your question is that you have to accept his behaviour, because he is not going to stop it as he has no reason to stop it. And don't be surprised when the affairs do go further than texting and e-mailing, that's if they haven't already. Because you are giving him permission to do so.

I am presently having treatment for cancer. His behaviour started years before I got ill. I can't work. I need some help. i wish I could leave and may yet do so. I know you are right. Please keep in touch

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe this isn't the best time to leave, if you physically need him. Is there nobody else you could lean on for support?

But I think you should get yourself a bank account and start putting some money away. Then you may feel you have more options.

I know that you guys are right and that I should leave. I am considering moving to our holiday home. This would leave him free to do whatever he wants though. Any ideas on how not to feel so bad

By reminding yourself that these are choices he has made that you have been subjected to and it's not your fault - AND you've told him how you feel, given him enough chances to show he values you enough to stop and he's decided that his need for other women matters more to him than his need to keep you in his life.

Although perhaps by actually packing your bags and going, he might be shocked into realising what he is about to lose?

Hi, sorry to hear you're going through this, I can't imagine how you must feel at the moment. Sending you positive thoughts and a virtual hug ((hug)))

Does your husband accept that this is unworkable behaviour? If he at least recognises that he has a problem, you can start to work through this. I hope it all works out for you.

Do you have children with him?

Ou have a thread about people blocked on skype too?

Sheds new light on that thread

No we don't have children together. His first marriage ended when he had an affair. He doesn't want me to behave like him, I asked him. He doesn't see his behaviour as serious as he says there is no sex. I encouraged him to look "emotional affair" up on the net.I know some of the women and they would be up for sex. He did say he had betrayed me, and that he agreed it was not fair on me, but I think he is doing it again. He has arranged to meet a colleague with whom he seriously flirts, for work purposes. This could have been done by phone. He erased the e-mails, but I had already seen them. I think you are right, this is an addiction or compulsion. If it progresses to sex then our marriage is over. I can barely be civil to him now. The Relate counsellor said that my dh was probably a very unhappy man with bonding issues from childhood. This doesn't help me at all. My husband said that the difference between the women and me is that I really love him. I'm no longer sure that is so. Please keep in contact. It helps to share it. I have told no one as my dh would deny it, and I feel ashamed.