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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

emotional affair/cheating

4 replies

BaggyAgy · 16/02/2010 06:53

I knew my husband was seriously flirting but he ridiculed me and made out I was imagining it. He would not talk about it. Other people did comment saying they felt sorry for me. I felt very humiliated. I later caught him red handed sending photos of himself via e mail to one of the women with whom he flirts. He had her and at least one other woman on Skype and was constantly e mailing and texting several single women. He bought them gifts and even lent one his car, which was his pride and joy. He now says he has ceased this behaviour. He says that at no time was sex involved, that he only wanted to be popular. He has lied constantly and I don/t know what to believe. I am not in a position to leave him. He seems to have compartmentalised our marriage. He is a good provider. He thinks that that makes him a good husband. I feel very bitter at the lies and deception and the humiliation. He appears to have stopped contacted the women by e-mail but now they are mailing him trying to resume the relationship. I want to feel better. What can I do?

OP posts:
mrspoppins · 16/02/2010 11:59

Goodness, this needs more support than mumsnet can give you. You need face to face counselling, together if you can.Try marriage Guidence www.relate.org.uk. I wish you the best

BaggyAgy · 16/02/2010 13:14

Thank you mrspoppins for your message. I was beginning to feel nobody cared and no one wanted to offer some thoughts. I would so welcome some thoughts. How has anyone else coped with humiliation? What do you make of him lending his car? How do you deal with bitterness. I constantly read that it is better to forgive, but how does one forgive? Does anyone know of any on line help for me?
I telephoned Relate, the counsellor was kind, but insisted that my husband and I must discuss the problems. My husband absolutely refuses to do this, and anyway, he would probably not tell me the truth. I hurt so badly and need to know that I am not alone.

OP posts:
mrspoppins · 16/02/2010 13:18

Look on the relate website for advice too...also www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/affairs.htm
This must be awful for you..What others would do shouldn't come into it though. You need to decide if you want this to work and then it is only you who can put the effort in..and I think it'll need some effort. xx

BaggyAgy · 17/02/2010 13:07

Hi, I couldn't find anything helpful on netdoctor, can you be more precise. I am in such pain and feel so alone. I have not told my friends or family. The only feedback I get will be from this site or any other I can find. How does anyone survive this type of behaviour? Can anyone tell me

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