I feel mil is competing with me for dh's attention

[hormonalmum]

I need some advice. Let me begin by saying I am pg, so more hormonal than normal.
Mil is early 60's - dresses young, recently retired and has no money worries. Split with fil around 30 years ago and has had many partners in that time.
Since I have been with dh, she has had 1 semi-serious partner, but noone for the last few years.

Mil is constantly phoning dh (3 - 4 times a week that I am aware of) and texting him. (daily)
Usually late at night or at kids teatime and or bedtime. I get fed up with this and often have to ask him to end the call and call later when things have calmed down.

She asks him (and me) what he bought me for my birthday or valentines etc.
Last year for dh's birthday she had asked me what I had bought him (some t shirts) so she then went and bought him some designer t shirts. I was not bothered about it at the time and dh couldnt have cared less but I just feel she tries to undermine me, both as a mother and as a wife.
At our wedding, mil wore a very revealing low cut top and sat closer to dh at the top table that I did (the photos are hilarious)
She asks about how much we earn and expects grand gifts for her and her other 2 sons.

I feel mil is jealous of dh and I's relationship. She enjoys playing happy families with him and our children - ie without me around or likes going to the pub with dh alone.
She is not great as a grandmother as she tends to focus her attention on dh. Eg, after the christening of our son, dh went with his mum to the pub and left me and our lo's to go home.
He is the middle of 3 boys and quite obviously is the favourite. The other sons do not have wifes / partners, so do not know if I am being paranoid.

I have tried to speak to dh about this but I think he feels a little bad that his mum does not see the kids as much as he moved away from his home town as soon as he could!(I havent tried to explain she isnt that bothered about our kids, want him to see it for himself)
When he is around mil, he does some silly things- for example, will walk in road with the pram or not hold lo's hands.
I constantly feel like I am the one who is nagging him about the safety of our children when surely it should be only natural.
It feels like I am constantly having a go at his mother, but when she is not around he is much more considerate and thoughtful.

When I was in labour with both our dd and ds, dh and mil were sending text messages to each other which I found annoying. When ds was 10 mins old, dh rang his mother to tell her and my feelings could not have mattered. (struggling with placenta delivery)
This time, I dont plan to tell dh when I go into labour if he is at work as I do not want the texting and phone calls to happen. I know this sounds rather extreme, but surely my feelings are more important than anyone elses.

When mil is around, he doesnt tend to say I love you and focuses his attention on her.

I just feel that I am second best, rightly or wrongly and it is getting me down. (feeling like a glorified baby maker for her and dh to play happy families with!)

Anyone got any similar experience? What to do?

Thanks for comments so far.
I do not expect to keep dh for myself - I am aware that he has other people in his life who are important to him and I would expect that. I also expect that he would ring his mum and vice versa. I do not want them to stop communicating by any means; it is the boundary thing that is forever being overstepped.

Dh moved away from home nearly 15 years ago, so no he is not very young. I know he feels guilty that he does not see his family that much - especially now he has children of his own. However, as I said mil does not seem bothered about the children, more interested in dh and hanging on his every word.

As for mil to blame about dh being careless around the children - as she does not seem that bothered about them she often leaves hot coffee about where they can reach and she wont hold their hands either when out. Dh is aware of this issue now as I have had to point it out and to his credit he is much better. Mil focuses her attention on dh and not the lo's wellbeing.

I started some time ago being vague with information, but mil would then ask dh. I try to manage her iykwim, but if she doesnt get to know what she wants, she will ask dh or just do as she pleases.
For example, last time she came - we had pre-arranged plans to go out for tea with friends from 4.30 onwards. She booked her return train for 6.30pm anyway. As it happened our plans fell through but this is just an example of how (imo) she likes her own way.

I do try with mil. I ring her sometimes when dh is not around, and I have spent time with her on my own - we go for a coffee or we may go and look round the shops occassionally. (she is a big shopper - I am not)
We do not have much in common, but I do try for the sake of all my family.

As Attila points out - dh did not know what was in appropriate to tell her. We have had rows in the past when dh spoke and said he had promotion and her next question is along the lines of "well how much did you get?" Dh would tell her.

Shanrod - your post was fairly highlighting. I spotted some similarities. Mil happy to leave me at home with the children whilst she goes to the pub with dh. I have a ds and if I was in her position, I would be happy to look after grandchildren whilst my ds went out with his partner.

Mil is definately makes less demands on dh / us when she has a partner.

She probably is competing with you for your DH'S attention. She sounds emotionally immature. that is very sad, but its not your fault and you need to be emotionally supported by your DH through your pregnancy.
YOu can't change her, but you do have to get your H on your side otherwise it gets 5 billion times worse after the baby gets here...

sorry, I just realise you already have children . I was just speaking from my own experience! I just wanted to say that I know that some MILs can be really immature and childish and really do compete with their DILs!