Why do I still ocasionally stalk my idiot ex online??

[cheerfulvicky]

Why do we do it, ladies? Why?!
I don't fancy him anymore. I haven't seen him for over three years. I hardly ever think about him, and he didn't break my heart. In fact I broke his. But he was my first love.

Why do I feel crap, now I have seen his website and seen pics of his partner? She is prettier than me, has bigger boobs, they seen happy. I mean, I already knew about her existence, it's not like it's a surprise or anything.

I do not in any universe want to be with him, he looks awful now, so WHY am I feeling all lost and jealous?? What's that all about, seriously? I don't get it.
Thank fuck he's not on facebook or else I'd be tempted to torture myself more regularly. As it is, it's about 3 times a year I peek at his website and immediately feel like poo.
Idiot!

Ah but it's not about him is it?

What are your current romantic circumstances? Is that relevant?

Why do we do it? errr do we? i dont, have never checked up on an ex.

sounds like you want him to be leading a miserable existence just to make yourself feel better

did you think he might just crumble when you broke his heart, and never be able to look at another woman again? still be pining after you?

Vinegar, OP is not justifying what she's doing, and she is not even hinting it is a logical behaviour... it isn't. She just can't help it. And no, I don't do it either, but I know many other women that can't help themselves either.

Vicky, what you're doing is unfortunately quite common, and it is a form of self-flagellation. The only way to stop doing is, really, just to STOP DOING IT. Not easy, I know. But you'll find it much easier when yourself are feeling happier with your own personal situation and can stop unconsciously trying to look for reassurance in the past.

Do you have a good friend you can tell about this? If you talk to her, hearing it come out of your mouth will let you know how silly it sounds, and it will help you overcome it. Ask your friend to give you a kick in the butt (a figurative one, that is) every time you feel tempted to peek. Go out for a coffee with her and laugh about the situation. Time DOES heal, but sometimes a lot of it is needed.

Definitely the case for me. I secretly want to find out their wives have finally dumped them for being the self-obsessed, manipulative twats they undoubtedly are. Since they haven't, either the wives are impossibly docile women with zero self-esteem ... or the exes are actually OK and it really was all my fault! Eek!!

I am aware it doesn't matter. I haven't got much left to learn from either relationship. But that little, nagging doubt sometimes takes hold of my search box

Why do you look? I'd say your bored and haven't got anything better to do.

Why do you then get down about it?- mainly because your annoyed that she is better looking than you and you wish your boobs were bigger. Just a little green eyed monster rising.

Your worried that you were replaced by a better model. And maybe you were. But you were just replaced by someone different.

She might be more chocolate box than you and her boobs might be bigger but your nipples might be nicer and your laugh could be more beautiful and your eyes more soulful.

Your beauty cannot really be matched against anyone becuase its a lot more than how you look and whether your boobs are big or small.

I prefer it if my ex-bf's have nice looking girlfriends/wife's - means he has continued with his high standards and good taste.

i check up very occasionaly to make sure i am as far away as possible from them and not ever likely to come into contact.

it makes me feel better and safer. but then EH was rather abusive.

"I prefer it if my ex-bf's have nice looking girlfriends/wife's - means he has continued with his high standards and good taste." --> hahahaha I give you a 10/10 for that, bloodyright

bloodyright, you're right. Err, to those who are starting with the 'what's up with your current relationship', you have a point: it is shite. I guess I usually look out of bordom and interest, wonder what's new for blah, etc.

I really really feel like he HAS replaced me, it's weird and I know you can't replace people. But she is the same nationality as him, whereas I am English, she is helping him with his photography website, I used to be into photography too but now I'm too busy running round after a toddler/knackered/lazy to bother. I think I just think too much, I tend to think along the lines of, that could have been me and instead - its her. And I feel simultaneously giggly and relieved and also a bit put out. I think I do feel quite guilty for breaking up with him, and I secretly want to have it confirmed that he's a twat and nobody else can stand him for long either. Sadly, that's probably not true and they will probably live together happily ever after.
She looks really mardy anyway They do say blokes go for women like their mother...

Ahh, I just really needed to vent, and I've seen a few other threads like this one lately. I don't need a kick up the arse, I know its daft and irrational. I just annoy meself sometimes. [pours wine emoticon]