How do you keep a good opinion of the opposite sex and /or love if you have been hurt?

[poshsinglemum]

I have started a few threads in a similar vein.

I have been hurt badly by a few men and although I keep telling myself that not all men are liek that and that it's down to my bad choices etc I still find myself cynical and a bit bitter tbh.

I felt very sad when I saw that 'one born every hour' show on channel four as it occured to me that I gave birth without a partner present.

I just feel like I have been sold a lie and that love just won't happen to me. I think I equate being in a relationship with being controlled.

as it's almost valentine's day please remind me that not all men are like taht and that I can find love!

What you say is so fundamental - We all want to be loved, and find someone to adore us. I think the thing about love is that it can turn up completely unexpectedly, but people who seem to attract it most easily are ones who are happy in themselves. There are certainly compromises in a relationship, but it shouldn't go as far as controlling the partner. It sounds as if you haven't met someone who just likes you for what you are. Truly, you are better off on your own, than with someone who treats you badly.

I don't think I really know who I am any more so I think I'd better concentrate on me!

I remember being very hurt by a series of relationships which looking back were clearly totally unsuitable. I went to a psychotherapist who was very good at pointing me at things that were good for me, rather than things that other people wanted from me. I think we can get stuck on living up to an image of say, a career girl, high achiever, good daughter or whatever. And in actual fact we are more 'at home' doing other things.
Do concentrate on yourself!! The happier you are, the more you glow!

I feel so broken by one particular relationship that I feel that he ruined much of what made me happy. I am just finding thathappiness again in dd.

By getting a grip really. It is hardly unique to have a relationship not work out, but most of us manage .

That sounds harsh, but I have read so many of your posts, and I really don't think the 'there there' stuff is helping. Are you organising some counselling?