The snip for DH or having my tubes tied - which should it be?

[muttonchop]

We are completely certain that we don't want any more children (in our late 30s, have two DDs, DD2 has SN). Even if one of us were to die or disappear, we both think that our hands would be too full with DD2 to even contemplate more DCs with another partner - you can see we've thought about this a lot!

But here's the thing: while a vasectomy seems (to me!) the obvious choice, DH is squeamish. (I know - pitiful.) I could put endless nagging pressure on him til he relents, I suppose. Or I could take the 'tubes tied' option myself - I'm not against doing that at all, but it's a bigger op, isn't it, for a woman than a man. And I've read that the chances of the op failing are quite a bit higher for women.

I'm sure I've read about a new kind of female sterilisation that can be done under local anaesthetic and is much less invasive than the conventional approach - but my attempts to google it were unsuccessful. So maybe I dreamed it. But can anyone enlighten me on what I might be thinking of? (Think the procedure began with an 'A'...)

Any of you had your tubes tied, or had similar debates with your DHs, or nagged an unwilling spouse into getting snipped?

You give birth, he gets the snip!! T'is the natural order of things!!!

Did he not think you would be squeamish at pushing a baby out your nethers? Or having major abdominal surgery ???

I was in exactly the same position.

DH was 'squeamish'. After 5 years since birth of last child, I decided enough was enough, and i decided I could look at it 2 ways...
1)- I could stay angry at DH for being such a wimpy arse and pathetic and selfish..which in the end wouldn't do me or my sex life much good
or
2) Be pragmatic and go and get a tubal tie.

I got a tubal tie last year. In and out same day, stayed in bed for 3 days while DH took the time off work(I didn't need to but figured it was the least he could do)

If your DH would get a vasectomy it would be much easier...I would push for it if I were you, but at the end of the day I am happy with my decision, and I definately do not want any more DC.

Threetimes- I totally agree, I was incredibly angry at my DH for not doing this too...

Sterilisation is day surgery and done as keyhole surgery, not major surgery. Mine hardly hurt at all apart from a bit of period type cramps in the evening after.
Best thing I ever did!

Def the snip. tell him his todger will grow by 2 inches.

when I was 40 we decided to try for a last child ( Our DS2 has SN too so we had talked a lot about more children and the pros and cons)

when we had that chat DH said
" if we do this then whatever happens in a year I will get the snip so whether we have another child or not we will call it a day"

His view was ( like those posting above) that I had done the majority of the contraception things during our 20 years AND I had coped with all the issues surrounding carrying and delivering our children.

His view was that if he couldn't put up with discomfort for a few day/weeks then he would be a selfish twat indeed.

I took care of contraception for years, carried & gave birth.

Then I we decided it was up to him!

It was very low risk & less recovery time compared to what I would have gone through, and he would have needed more time off to look after me & the children than he needed for himself!

Threetimemummy - you are so right!

Teasle and Roxi - reassuring to know that it's not too much hassle.

Cyb - will it??!

A vasectomy has far fewer complications than having your tubes tied. I had to do some research about this a few months ago, and was surprised at the potential effects of a tubal ligation, which include early menopause and pain.

Hmm. We have similar issues here too. DH was very much up for the snip, he isn't squeamish or bothered by a bit of discomfort, and then he read something in a Sunday supplement, and then he starting bloody googling, and now all he can think about is horror stories about things going wrong. And it feel wrong to make a big deal when he properly worried about this. Although I do feel he need to point out that if you google 'vasectomy complications' you are unlikely to get a balanced viewpoint

Grrr.

Yikes. Will inform DH of possible complications of tubal tie - thanks for the ammo! Will also emphasise to him just how much bed-rest I will need to recover.

How can tubal ligation lead to early menopause? Genuine question, I don't get it...

DH had a vasectomy last summer, he was squeamish about it but he ws in an out of hospital the same morning and after a couple of hours rest in the afternoon, fine. He said he felt sore for a couple of days, but nothing paracetamol couldn't help with.

He said in retrospect he thought he got the best part of the deal, compared to the 2 c-sections he'd seen me have, a snip was a walk in the park.

DH (44) had a vasectomy last summer, he didn't have to think twice about it, it's the ultimate unselfish act for your wife.
I love him all the more for doing it and he got himself a nice Hamilton watch as compensation for his lost "manhood".

Polly your DH is a wise and perceptive man. Perhaps I should remind my DH of those two c-sections I had, and how they stung a bit...

I'm very much of the "you gave birth" school of thought but when our family was complete Dh wimped out so I went to the GP to ask for the tubal tie.

He brusquely sent me packing saying " get your Dh over here and I'll get him to have the snip"

To be fair this was in the 80's and was still major surgery for women.

Dh duly saw the GP and bobs yer uncle he had the snip after a "man to man" chat with him

Nothing much to it - quick snip, pull out a bit of 'spagehetti' type tube, knot, stitch couple of paracetamols then all OK. Just make sure you make sure all the tubes are completely clear though. The little swimmers can stay around for quite a while.

My DP is getting booked in once this one is born, I will have given birth 4 times and wrecked my body, his turn for once.

PMSL at your doc, earthmother How fab!! My BIL has had it done, so hen the time comes for the conversation i have many legs to stand on.

At least three

Earthmother I'd love it if our GP could be as masterful as yours! Sadly I think it's unlikely.

Are vasectomies/tubal-ties available everywhere on the NHS? I wondered if they are the sort of procedures that might be gradually moving away from the NHS and into the private sector. That might make a difference to the decision - if we have to pay, it'll be whichever costs less (and I'm guessing that'll be the snip!)

Our GP sadly passed away a few years ago, he was from Pakistan and used to joke he was self taught in the art of medicine.

We always prayed he was joking anyway

Dh had to go and see him 3 weeks after his snip because he was still very badly bruised.

GP "hello Mr Earth, what can I do for you today"

Dh "I'm not back to normal after the snip doctor"

GP "oh dear, in what way"

Dh "well my privates are jet black doctor"

GP "snap"

SDD, tell me about it! DH's little swimmers are very determined, he has to do another 2 tests because he still has (non motile) sperm present, god only knows how, DH is actually quite pleased though. He will have to get special clearance after two more tests as after 6 months, non motile samples are considered "clear" . He hates those sample pots with a passion!

I asked about tubal ligation a few months ago and was told that the NHS in our area would not fund it. I also researched Essure which is the non invasive sterilisation, it looks great but is only available privately.

I have had the Essure done on the NHS just over 18 months ago - it was simple and i can say pain free, the op took no more than 10 minutes, the only pain releif i had was 2 nurofen - after reading your posts i did some digging - vasectomy has a much higher faliure rate than Essure and essure doesnt involve any incisions or leaves any scars, 3 months after the Op went back for a check to confirm my tubes are blocked, all OK - Essure is avaliable on the NHS and i suggest you contact the company that makes the devices and they can tell you which hospital offers the operation, they gave me my nearest hospitals details - they can be reached at www.essure.co.uk hope that helps