Really miss him...why won't he answer my messages

[lilyofvalley]

Hi
I had a fling with someone 20 yes ago, (he was married at the time, I know it was wrong and have felt guilty about it ever since). We didn't sleep together but pretty close. He got in touch with me and we caught up on each others lives then started flirting via e mail. It was exciting but I felt guilty because I'm married with child. We stopped for about a year then we started chatting again. It did brighten up my SAHM existence. Anyway all of a sudden he's stopped replying to my messages. I don't know what I've said. He has girlfriend.
I love my husband very much and don't want to hurt him or go any further. It wax just bit of fun. Now I feel like silly infatuated school girl, constantly checking my messages. I just want to get him out of my head but can't. The thought of never talking to him even just as friends really saddens me. Any ideas?

Loads of reasons. His other half found out and told him to pack it in? His computer connection is broken? He has gone away for work? Gone away on holiday? Busy with work?

sometimes, or often, actions are louder than words.
it should not matter.
does yoru husband know about your emails?

Unfortunately, he isn't dead, he isn't under a bus, he isn't in a hospital recovering from a life-threatening accident. He just didn't want to call.

Cancel his number from your phone if you really love your husband.

We've all got someone like this in our past. They need to stay there. The past is a different country etc etc.

Just forget about it fgs! You have a husband if there are problems within the marriage address them before you go and jump someone else.

Not fair to OP, his GF, or your husband.

Think about the impact your behaviour is going to have on other people.

It isn't something you said. His girlfriend found out and with any luck, is forcing him to get to the bottom of why he's been doing this.

Best you do the same - and tell your husband.

lilyofthevalley - please try and put him out of your mind. Its hard on you but easier for everyone if he doesn't respond to you. Maybe your conversations had run their course and it was a natural ending, albeit not a polite one. You posted on my thread this week for virtually the same thing, in as much as I was talking to an ex behind DHs back. Its hard to end it and say goodbye and maybe thats why he is not responding, perhaps taking the easy way out and not saying goodbye. Me and ex finished talking on Monday as we both agreed it wasnt fair to our respective partners and it was so hard to say goodbye. We had said what we wanted to say and to continue I guess would have been wrong, it was never intended to progress into anything else so it was best to just call it a day. I do miss talking to him, like you, it brightened my day but as I was advised, and I am advising you, try and forget, it is past and you must focus on your DC and DH, they are important now, if your ex was important he would not have made it into your past. I really hope you feel brighter soon, trust me, I know how you feel.

You're all absolutely right. I can accept that he doesn't want to continue, but I'd like some sort of closure. It just feels weird to suddenly stop communication.
No my husband doesn't know. He would be gutted if he found out. When he got in touch I mentioned it to my husband because it was a facebook thing, but I can't remember if I ever told my husband about our history, and now doesn't seem like time to start.
My husband is kind, caring, generous and adores me but I don't get excited by him in same way as ex and I don't know if that's because we've been together so long (18 years). I guess illicit attachments are always exciting by their nature.

20 years later do you really think ex would excite you? Probably not. Talking on the phone is fun but doubtful after so long it would be so much fun face to face. Lilyofthevalley, if your husband 'adores' you as you say, what more do you want. Seize that with both hands and don't let go. Sadly my DH totally neglects me and hance I was talking to ex. Dont mess up when you have such a great DH.

Your ex was bored and trawling on FB for a little excitement in his life and he happened to come across you, and now he's dropped you like a hot potato because something else or something better came along. Get over it.

Start appreciating your H and your child more. Life is not about excitement and livening up a 'SAHM existence' with a little illicit and very dangerous fun. You have other people to think of besides yourself.

Here's an idea.

Block him.

Walk away.

I know it is hard as I have been in a similar place but the highs of having him in your life are not worth the crashing lows when you don't get what you want.

strad, it is good to see you on this thread imparting good advice

lily...you say you feel like a silly schoolgirl ?

< ahem >

Thanks everyone for your understanding and advice. I just need a good shake to bring me to senses. I have so much to be grateful for and I'm risking it all for a bit of excitement. I'm going to try and forget him (eAsier said than done I'm sure) and concentrate on my own relationship.

Gosh didn't realise so many other people had similar dilemmas. Hope it works out for everyone.

AnyFucker - thankyou
lilyofthevalley - Hope you are feeling a bit better today, it WILL get easier (I am evidence of that!) If you can, stop pining after ex and take another look at DH. Waht he has done for you in the last 18 years as opposed to what ex did - I'll bet theres no competition really and DH is STILL there. Hope you have a good day today. x

I did this to somebody in my past. Eventually I just stopped replying to his messages and that was where it ended. Perhaps this person has done the same as me.

I did this because I love my husband and children very much and while it brightened up my day a little I knew it was never going anywhere.

If you wanted that kind of excitement in your life you would have to find a different ppartner everyday tbh. If you really love your DH and Child then I suggest you put your energy into them instead of finding it on fb or other such places.

You are best just forgetting about it no matter how it has ended. Its for the best.

Good luck. X