No family support

[caringfamily]

DH and I are in serious financial difficulties as both have been unemployed since beginning of summer and now just about out of money to pay mortgage, bills. Both families are very aware of this, yet not one of them have contacted us over the last few weeks to see how we are. We don't won't financial help as they can't help there and would just be borrowing even more money to add to our debt mountain.

But just a phonecall to chat about anything would be nice or even to offer practical help like doing something with DC's during mid-term break next week. They know we are very stressed and trying to keep it together for the sake of the DC's (have 4). My mum and stepfather are coming to visit for all of April (they live in another country) and just interested in their holiday. Didn't even comment when we said we hoped we'd be still living in this house, but don't know.

Just feeling very alone.

maybe you need to make the first step - eg send a letter or email spelling out exactly what sort of practical help you would like? where and when?

Apart from BIL, all the others live on the other side of the world. At Xmas he had great delight in showing off how much he'd spent on his DC's presents and even got his DD to show us her bank statement with over £1000 , so don't think will get much from him as he bizarrely seems to be deriving some enjoyment from our situation. With the others have said we love to get phonecalls but sadly nothing.

They sound like total t*ers. Hope they don't get into difficulties . Do you not have any good friends nearby that could help?

It's just not something you really want to broadcast - that the chances of losing our house are looking more and more likely. Only moved cities a year ago, so no close friends locally. I realise there's nothing much I can do with our families, just really needed to vent my upset. Not looking forward to my mum coming to stay I must admit.

surely to God she's not coming to stay at your house with all this going on? Please tell me they have made their own accomodation arrangements?

If she thinks she is staying at yours then I suggest you write and tell her that they need to sort something else out as you are on the verge of homelessness and will not be in a position to put them up.

Aside from that it looks like you are on your own I'm afraid. On the plus side, if any of your family ever need anyhelp you can rest assured that you don't owe them anything.

I agree Mrsboogie that it's incredible my mother is still coming to stay. The line is they can't afford accomodation (which they can't) and my stepsisters live 1 1/2 hours away. She is coming to visit her grandchildren (she only has mine, others are step) and that is that. Oh and she will pay her way. In the past that has been paying for treats like a cake for pudding. Which is lovely but I still have to pay for extra food for 2 adults.

If she can't afford accommodation she can't afford a holiday. They should be giving you holiday. Why don't you suggest going to them instead?

It would cost 3 times what it is costing them to come to us as 6 in our family. One of the downsides of emigrating as we did is that when grandparents visit they need to stay with us as they don't have the money, and we do all want to catch up. When the holiday was planned a year ago all was fine.

I feel for you - sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just wanted to say I really hope things work out and you don't lose the house. Thoughts are with you xxx

Hi Caring ..just wanted to tell you that we were in the exact same position a year back ..dh made redundant and me very ill and unable to work .. we found out very very fast that our family are spectacularly shite .. there was a huge family fall out because we said we could no longer afford to have everyone - 12 plus of them - for christmas - they have still not forgiven us .. luckily hubby got a job in the new year and we are climbing our way out of the mess slowly .. but a valuable lesson was learned by us and we are now prioritising our own family and to hell with them ..
Its really really sad - but when you feel the terror of being about to lose your house and those nearest and dearest only care about who is cooking their christmas dinner - its one hell of a wake up call..

I understand your need to vent .. I really hope things pick up for you soon . And whatever you do do not feel as though you owe them anything .. you need all your energies to get through your current situation in one piece.. lots of luck and love to you x