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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Have you ever been really into somebody

17 replies

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 11:47

But they dont feel the same. Did you manage to stay friends with the guy or was it easier to just cut all ties. I have this really good friend and i like him more than i should. We have on 1 occasion got drunk and slept together but after i just felt stupid cos i now know it only happened because he was drunk. I used to chat to him every night and we would text all the time but now i cant even bring myself to call him because i feel stupid. Us sleeping together hasnt really been mentioned although he did say he didnt regret it even though it probably shouldnt have happened.

Basically i dont know what to do. Do i suck it up and be happy we are friends or do i cut my losses and just try and forget about him.

OP posts:

Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 12:03

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diddl · 10/02/2010 12:05

I´ve never been able to be friends until quite a time after when we had both moved on.

For me meeting for friendship was a hope it might go back to what it was or just desperation to have any time with them

I would cut ties tbh.

Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 12:09

Yeah that sounds about right. I know it will never happen but part of me hopes 1 day he will like me the same way i like him. I really should know by now that im the girl guys want to be friends with but nothing else. Either that or they get what they want then bugger off

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Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 12:17

Sorry having a feeling sorry for myself day.

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diddl · 10/02/2010 12:19

Sounds like some chocolate might help!

Marne · 10/02/2010 12:25

Cut ties , it might be hard but for the best.

Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 15:24

Why is life never simple

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arsesandoldlace · 10/02/2010 15:37

Sorry this is happening to you cupid. It was unfair of him to sleep with you if he knows how you feel and doesn't feel the same.

In my experience, men either fancy you straight away or they don't, and that doesn't change. Sounds depressing but it's something you need to accept and move on.

If he doesn't feel the same then he isn't the one for you. I'd suggest keeping contact to a minimum and looking elsewhere for a man.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/02/2010 17:08

Why 'shouldn't' the sex have happened? If it's because he is in an allegedly monogamous relationship with someone else, then will it help to consider that actually he must be a bit of a dick to get drunk and shag you behind his partner's back.
Or is it that he simply doesn't want a monogamous couple-relationship with you (or anyone else)? If it's this option, he's a bit of a dick to have shagged you, but at the same time it's an awkward position to be in, having someone madly, desperately in love with you. Whatever you do is wrong: if you brush them off you;re heartless, if you are nice in any way you are leading them on, and yet the person won't just fuck off, they are hanging round all the time... so sometimes you have sex with them thinking (depending on how nice you are) that maybe you will find that you can feel desire for them after all; that once they shag you and find out that you are just a human being with the usual range of human sexual imperfections their obsession will dwindle or (if not a nice person) think, well s/he is totally desperate so at least sex is guaranteed here.

Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 17:44

Hes single. He has no idea how i feel about him really and have no intention on telling him. He said he didnt know what he wanted and that it shouldnt have happened because we hadnt spoke about it and it really wasnt feasable as he has his kids every weekend and we do live quite far away and its not like we could just pop round and see each other. Its fair enough that we live about 2 hours apart but i would have been more than happy to do the driving (he hasnt got a car). I really dont think it would have happened if he was sober. It just kind of happened.

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Original poster

cupidimgonnahurtyou · 10/02/2010 17:46

that should say wouldnt have happened

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2fedup · 10/02/2010 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nikki1978 · 10/02/2010 20:48

Cut all ties now. Believe me it will only end in tears for you. Sorry though - I know how shit this feels. The object of my affection slept with me as a 'friend' for two years then married someone else. I was young, naive and in love or I wouldn't have let it happen. If he wanted to be with you he would end of. Don't fool yourself that he will fall for you over time if you are a good friend and let him have you when it suits him - that way madness lies....

Go find someone who wants you as much as you want them. You can't be happy with someone otherwise.

Whizzywigg · 10/02/2010 21:04

Tell him how you feel...

I figure it this way...
you clearly like each other, or wouldn't spend so much time texting and phoning...y
you must fancy each other, or you wouldn't have slept with each other...

If you like him that much, just tell him... what have you got to lose?

lalalonglegs · 10/02/2010 21:43

Does he think that you think it shouldn't have happened? Maybe he thinks he is making it easier for you both by pretending it was a mistake. If you think this is possible, I'd consider telling him that you don't regret it either and see what happens. If he doesn't want a relationship, do agree that you will just have to walk away.

lalalonglegs · 10/02/2010 21:44

SolidGoldBrass · 10/02/2010 23:58

Given what you have said, I would advocate at least telling him that you enjoyed it and would like to do it again. No more than that, though, as a declaration of passionate love might make you feel like a whanger and lead to him being all embarrassed and therefore scorchingly patronizing to you.
If he, after you have said you would like to have another shag, then backs off or continues to witter about 'not wanting a relationship' then you have your answer: he's Not That Into You in a romantic sense, at which point I would advise fading him out (rather than a dramatic renunciation), because if he says he doesn't want a relationship then what is definite is he doesn;t want an exclusive couple relationship with you and trying to hang in there in the hope he will change is a miserable, pointless and very unhealthy way to spend your time.

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