Scarlotti - having read this, and your other thread, what I recognise from what you're saying is that your husband is actually quite controlling. It's actually a very subtle form of controlling behaviour, but powerful in effect nevertheless. You might never have recognised him as controlling - or he himself - but it would be a good talking point at Relate.
You're describing a conflict of childish control methods and fewer that are associated with adulthood. The childish behaviours are laziness, procrastination over necessary but disliked tasks, sulkiness, disproportionate anger/irritation, refusal to engage in an adult dialogue (or engage at all), victim-focused behaviour and counter-attack. Put simply, these behaviours are about a refusal to take personal responsibility. The only adult controlling behaviour I have seen in your post is his insistence on making the final decision about household matters.
What confuses the issue is that you may have been enabling the behaviour by infantilising him to some extent - and so in effect, you have become his parent. Your behaviour then becomes more visibly controlling, so you complain, make repeated requests, take control of things that haven't been done, re-do tasks that have been botched, insist on discussing his faults and at its worst, treating him with contempt.
To outward appearances, it can look as though you are the more controlling of the partnership, but the reality is different.
What you're both doing is perpetuating a dance, or a script that put simply, characterises a rebellious child and an angry parent.
The good news is that this behaviour is capable of change - and is less pernicious than adult controlling behaviours, such as possessiveness, jealousy, unreasonably high standards and behaviours that most of us would recognise as abusive.
However, like most things, the adults within the relationship need to recognise what's happening, "own" the behaviour, find the root cause of it and resolve to change. It often needs the most powerful incentive to change and in adult relationships, that usually means the threat of the relationship ending.
People who display childish controlling behaviours tend to be emotionally retarded by definition (they have never grown up or learned to express feelings in an adult way) and they lack emotional intelligence - so it can seem an uphill struggle to get them to engage in the first place. A third party like a counsellor can be very powerful in situations like this.
If you have become that angry parent, I'm sure it's a role that you didn't want in a marriage of two adults and you may see it as the only response possible if anything was to get done - I understand that. However, the counselling might also get to the root of why you chose a parental role to cope with the situation - and where that behaviour was learned.