Partners low libido - what works?

[fakenoseandglasses]

My DP has been under a lot of pressure at work recently which has affected his libido. It's troubling me a bit so I would really like to hear from anyone else this has happened to and to know what worked for you - was it giving it time, going for counselling (what kind?), seeing the GP, anything else......? We have talked about it a bit - it is a fairly recent issue so I don't want to pressure him too much. I was going to give it a couple of weeks and if nothing happens to think about what to do next...

I am completely satisfied that it isn't anything more 'deep' than work pressures, so will appreciate not getting any 'well he's obviously getting it elsewhere' comments. TIA

If it's recent then I wouldn't be too worried tbh.
How's his general health, his stress levels?

Ginseng is a stress adaptogen, it's especially beneficial to men, best taken with gingko biloba - there is a supplement called male health from holland and barrett that I can recommend too.

If my DH has had a bad day at work, the last thing he wants is sex, if he's feeling under the weather his libido takes a nosedive too.

Have you tried coaxing him on a weekend/day off morning? Men's testosterone is highest when they wake up .

The more you make a deal of it the worse it will get as his lack of sex drive will be impacting on his self esteem and sense of masculintity which will in turn affect his sex drive. For gawds sake dont encourage him to go down the counselling route-just act like everything is normal

My advice is to take up wanking until it picks up again

Bumping in hope of some more responses... unless I'm the only woman on MN whose man doesn't have the urge

Thanks Mal. It's a bit more longstanding than not being in the mood after a tough day at work - it's probably been a couple of months now - and weekends/holidays don't seem to make a difference... As I said I don't want to make a big deal of it but I do want to think about how best to address it if it keeps on...

Try giving him a handful of nuts every day! Some friends found a couple of Brazil nuts (for selenium), hazel nuts, almonds and peanuts worked for them. They also cut down drastically on white flour/bread and sugar.

He'd most likely benefit from more running-around activity, too (to disperse the stress) - football's great if he's a player, so are squash, tennis and basketball.

Has he had any erectile difficulties preceeding his loss of interest? Illness or new medication?

I would be starting to get concerned after a couple of months tbh. How old is he? Is he masturbating or does he have no sexual urge at all?

Is he still tactile with you , kissing/cuddling etc.? How about giving him a lovely massage or getting in the bath/shower with him to scrub his back, if you avoid sexualising it and just help him relax, it might help him feel better and more interested.
I take it that a full on seduction routine hasn't worked for you? It would probably be a bit much now anyway - and if he didn't respond to it you would feel awful too.

I think you need a gentle talk with him , if it is purely work stress, he needs to find a way of dealing with it that doesn't have a negative impact on your sex life - the biggest irony is that sex is such a great stress reliever and it would have a calming effect on his mind and his body, it reduces cortisol levels for one thing.

Maybe ask him to try? If he realises that sex will make him feel better ( my DH had the funny idea that sex after a crappy day at work was somehow "using" me to make him feel better) he might be up for it more.