teenage duaghter doesnt want my boyfriend around

[mpi]

i seperated and divorced my childrens father at the begining of last year. this was after many years of unhapiness and lonliness on my part. i stayed for so long in the relationshiop because i thought it better for the children to have their father around . my daughter is now 15 1/2 and lives with me and my son is 18 and away at uni. i have met and fallen in love with a man whom i want to marry. i introduced this man into my daughter's life gradually. and she has been ok about the situation - but now that she knows that it is serious and that we are likely to marry - she has said that she doesnt want him staying with us. i feel at a complete loss as to what to do - i cant risk my relationship with my daughter, but i also want to be with this man. can anyone offer advice?

It is your decision as you are the adult.
What is she likely to do if you marry?
Run away?
Ask to live with her father?

What is her problem with him staying?

Is it as simple a she feels embarrassed knowing that you have a sex life?

if i marry she is likely to become unhappy and withdrawn and stay out at friends to avoid being in the house.
she cant give me any specific reasons as to what she is unhappy with - she just wants it to be me and her in the house i think.

although for you your marriage was over for a long time before you divorced, I expect your dd was still clinging on to hope you would stay with her dad

a year really isn't a long time (in her eyes) for you to be contemplating marriage to another man

I would take it slowly with him, if he is a keeper, he will understand and wait

in another year or two she may well be flying th enest herself, or have such a full life of her own, what you do has less of an impact

Yes I agree the daughter should come first.

It has only been a year.

Perhaps she is only just used to the way things are now without another change?

Has she got on with your boyfriend so far?

The problem is she is at the age where she might also be off in a couple of years,& you could end up with no man & no daughter iyswim.

I agree you should just take it slowly and give her time, as everyone knows 15/16 is such a hard time however I wouldn´t let her scupper your plans completely. Dhs mum let her youngest son´s jealousy stop her seeing men and has never had any significant relationship since splitting with their dad over 20 yrs ago. Its really sad as she is so obviously lonely and would love a man in her life.

IME its a crucial age for you to lose your daughter
time spent here at this age is well invested

if the bloke loves you he can wait

I agree that you need to take things more slowly with new man for DD's sake. She is probably still coming to terms with her parents splitting, and to deal with a stepfather so suddenly is perhaps too much.

How long have you been with him?

I think you need to find out why she doesn't want him around. Be alert to signs that she is trying to spare your feelings in any way. Don't fall out with her now. Find out if she is happy for you to keep seeing him without her around- if she says no, find out why.

And she will also be going off to university in 2.5 years- could remarrying wait until then?

when asked - my daughter likes it being just me and her living together and likes how we are. she seems to not want to share her home/me with anyone else - or move into new home which would be shared.
difficult because she has such a busy social life of her own - something which i have always encouraged - and i wonder how to have my own life without upsetting her.
she will be off to uni in 2 1/2 years - but to be honest - i dont want to wait that long prior to remarriage.