My ex partner split last year. We had been dating for about a year when I got pregnant. It wasn't a very stable relationship and we split up during that first year. The pregnancy was not planned though I really thought (stupidly) we were meant to be together. When I was 6 months pg he asked me to move in with him, which I did.
It wasn't long before he said he felt that I had trapped him. Again, stupidly, I thought it was something we could get over. It never got better. He withdrew, ignored me and basically was waiting for me to leave.
Despite this, through our dd we have made wonderful friends in the area. Our dd, who is now 3 goes to a wonderful nursery where she is very happy and we created a great network,
But by the time our dd was 2.5, I could bear our life any longer and I told him I was leaving.
He earns a lot more money than I do and has a home in a v nice part of London, an area I couldn't afford to buy or really even rent, so I've had to rent outside of London.
I still commute to central london and juggle getting dd to nursery which is practically next door to my ex. The result is that life is very complicated. , but in a way I'm keeping a link to a place where we have so many friends and still do.
While he'd like to have dd near and see him all the time, he is reluctant to support us so that we can afford to live nearby (btw, he earns about 100k a year). When I have suggested he could help me buy a home in the area, he sees it as him funding a lifestyle I would not otherwise be able to afford.
I am devasted I cannot afford to keep our dd in an area which is home to her.
When I've said that the complicated lifestyle is very bad for our dd (contantly moving between our homes), I've raised the option of taking dd out of nursery to one near my new home. He gets v upset that it is like letting her go as he would never see her. As a compromise, I got her a place at my work nursery but he complained that she shouldn't be commuting.
Is he being unreasonable? Am I being unreasonable? He thinks I just want him to set me up in a nice area. But I work, I have my own money, I can support myself, I just don't have LOADS of money and have never had a major handout.
The other argument is that I don't seek a penny and stay living outside of London. But that means my daughter doesn't get to see her father and I spend my life commuting and I would see less of her too.
He says I shouldn't stress and that he will always look after our dd. I'm not sure what he envisages that as. Everytime I raise money (like, paying £100 for swimming lessons, costly extra days at nursery when I need to work) he won't talk about it.
Be brutal as you like with your comments and thoughts. I literally don;t know what to do.
By finacnially standing on my own two feet, I'm making a life for my dd that takes her away from her father, her friends as well as seeing less of me.
How can I get my ex to help without seeing as it as funding a lifestyle? (we are not talking Knightbridge here, just a nice part of West London).