Is just not being 'happy' a good enough reason to call it a day?

[WundaWumman]

DP has been away for the weekend, at my request. We have been struggling for sometime but basically things have come to a head for me and he is left wondering what on earth is going on.

The crux of the problems for me are that he is selfish and lazy. This filters through to every aspect of our life and it has taken enormous amounts of MY energy to get us this far and I don't think I can go on anymore without it having serious effects on my mental health. I feel like a have another teenager in the house. I won't go into too much detail but examples are being extremely crap with money, he smoke weed ( a lot) thinks weekends are for watching television,smoking an eating, thinks housework should take about one hour of his time a week (we have a two year old DD ffs). I don't feel that he has any respect for me.

I flipped yesterday morning over something really trivial. We agreed that he would give me some space and has gone to stay with his parents I think.

We've been here a few times in the last 6 months (he has never actually left) but I've almost given up now. I can't even explain to him why things are so bad for me as he gets all defensive and I find myself questioning my sanity and thinking " Well, it's not as if he is abusive, has had an affair, blah, blah so what am I complaining about?"

...but I;ve actually felt ok this weekend, almost 'free' if that makes any sense. Me and DDs have have a lovely relaxing time but nothing was really different. I'm not sure what that tells me really. We have arranged to speak tomorrow, I don't know if he is coming home or not. God, I am in such a confused state. I really don't know know what I'm asking for. I know that only I can make this decision but useful to get perspective of others I guess. x

Do you love him?
Sometmes the simplest questions are the best place to start
if yes then you need to tell him what he needs to do to come back like money, weed issues, help out more

This isn't just about not being happy for some ill-defined reason.

You are unhappy being in a relationship with a man who isn't worthy of the word. He is lazy and wants to live the life of a 20-something drop out despite having children.

He doesn't have to hit you or shag around to be a lousy partner and father.

I think a lot of times 'loving' someone can get mixed up with the fact that you are just used to sharing your life with them. I know I would always have a little panic when my (soon to be) XP would talk about us being old together, I just couldn't bear to think of it!
Can you see yourself growing old with him??

It sounds more serious than just not being happy, and certainly amounts the the kind of 'unreasonable behaviour' that erodes a marriage and provides grounds for divorce. If it's affecting your health, this is more than just a bad patch, imo.

Yes, I do in some ways but sometimes it feels more like brotherly love. We have talked through loads of these things before and he always says he will change and do more, but they are always empty promises and I end up 'nagging' him again a month down the line. That's why I just dont feel like talking to him again, I feel I've said it all before and he has never listened.

Gosh, thanks for your words of wisdom MNers. Although it's sad, I also feel a little relieved that it's not just me having stupidly high expectations.