He gets drunk when friends round!

[frazzlepup]

Last night had good friends for dinner and husband got completely drunk. My friends think this good fun, but I hate it! I end up clearing up, tidying everything away etc...
We have talked about this and he understands wine (lots of it) is a bad idea as he doesn't know when to stop. He has been good at staying off it but last night as bad and he also gets aggressive when people leave.
What do I do? Any suggestions as I am very sociable and am close to not having anyone around.

He gets aggressive?

Kick him out (permanentley) ...and have your friends around whenever you want.

I don't see getting drunk occasionally as a bad thing but getting aggressive at all is.

Personally I love drinking lots of wine with friends.

However, aggression is not ok. Is there more to this OP?

getting drunk when hosting friends round=ok

you having to clear up cos he is pissed=not ok, but ok if he makes up for it the next day

happy drunk=ok

occasional blow-out=ok

getting aggressive=not ok

have you more to say about your relationship ?

Getting aggressive is not on. Is it because he's angry that people are going? what does he do / say?

tbh, if he can't control himself, and doesn't know when to stop, maybe he should just stay off it for good.

What AnyFucker says. If he behaves well when drunk then you get drunk too and make him clear up in the morning

frazzlepup,

If you are clearing away his mess then you are enabling him by showing that there is no real consequence for his actions.

What is his drinking like anyway?. Is his drinking a problem to you in that it affects your daily life?.

I have a similar situation. He gets so pissed that he falls asleep at the table, passes out on the loo while visitors are still there and he's just as bad when we go to friends. He often leaves the room for an hour at a time. Because these people are our friends and are also pretty heavy drinkers, they think it's funny but I actually feel completely humiliated by his behaviour, particularly when people start telling me to "lighten up".

I realised last summer (after some very good advice from Attila) that enough was enough and went to AlAnon. Cried all the way through the meeting, partly because I recognised so many of the stories, but although I was convinced it wasn't "my sort of thing", it was very helpful.

Have you ever tried discussing it before the event rather than after? My DH says it's my problem, not his, because I don't drink enough . The only time I ever see him pissed is with friends but he drinks at every opportunity - on the way home from work, in the garage etc. It's destroyed my marriage and I resent the years I've wasted waiting for him to change. Sorry, not positive stuff.

oh,so sorry to hear this ADM

where are you at with your marriage now ?

Hi - trying to work out how to ask him to go. Very difficult to do when we have never been able to communicate. I feel ashamed to say I feel nothing but contempt for him now. Don't know if you remember my thread last summer re texts from a woman at work, but he has continued to go out a lot in the evenings/weekends and gives me no help/support with the house and DDs. Eldest is about to sit GCSEs so I'm trying to hold out until the exams are over so she doesn't get too disrupted.

Sorry OP, a hijack and even less positive than my last post!

ADM, I don't remember you particular thread, but there does appear to be a stupid script that these men follow

I am not surprised you hold him in such contempt, good luck in getting away from him with the minimum of disruption to you and your dc

ADM I feel I cannot communicate with other half as completely in denial about everything.His aggression is verbal when he's drunk, but I scream back even more, but he is too clever with his words and knows exactly what to say, (very clever)!!
I am just waiting for my daughter to do gcse this summer and her A levels, am getting don thinking how do I get out of this bloody mess, been married 20 years, and know things must get better on my own!!! Love my kids and do not want to upset them with both at important time at school

Really feel for you, situation seems similar (24 years married here!) and it is difficult to imagine starting again after such a long time. Sounds like the drinking is just one of many problems but I really would suggest AlAnon as it may help you see the wood for the trees.

ADM thanks for that. 20 years is a long time but feel like my children are growing up and I will be left with a permanent child, God help me! I will look up AlAnon, but good to hear not on my own, I'm sure there a lot of women in similar situation