'Forced' to attend friends wedding

[superdeeduper]

Hi, I'll try and keep this short but could do with some advice as to how to handle this.

A couple who are amongst my closest friends have decided to bring their wedding forward by a year and are doing it quite far from where we live. Found this out 2 weeks ago and now only have 3 months til wedding.
Anyway, as I have kids and am a student at the mo, there is no way I can afford to attend. It's far too short notice to get the money needed and quite far to travel also.

They have now informed that they want to pay for our accommodation so we can attend and have gone ahead and booked it without first consulting me. I tried to phone them first of all to thank them but to explain (gently) that I would still not be able to attend due to all the other things needed such as travel, outfits etc etc.

They are just not taking no for an answer tho and are now railroading me into attending by saying they are now going to buy outfits etc. While I am deeply flattered and I know that they only have the best of intentions, this is not making me feel good. I may be skint but I do have some pride and just dont feel right about letting them spend so much money. I have since found out that 2 of their sisters will not attend the wedding due to the cost and this makes me feel even worse.

I was actually in tears on the phone to them as they both spoke/forced and even the grooms mother came on to tell me I was going!

Any advice on how to handle this? Seems they have gone completely mad (usual I know for a wedding) but what is pissing me off is the fact they have accepted others regrets for not attending but seem to be poo pooing my very legitimate reasons. How do I make them understand without them taking it personally?

Sounds like you are very special to them.
Its their day and it wont be the same for them if you are missing.
Swollow your pride and just go with it.
Try to have a lovley time!

You need to go, they obviously really want you there. I'm sure it doesn't matter what you wear, you'll have something in your closet or a friend who you can borrwo somethin off, and travel can be affordable if you book trains in advance. There is always a way.

just go. fgs woman what is the problem?

It sounds like they really value your friendship.................maybe a bit more than you value theirs?

They obviously desperately want you there, even if they are being clumsy about it. As other posters have said, is there another reason you don't want to go?

Sounds to me as if you really haven't been very clear to your friends. Ime wedding organisation is all about solving problems so they are probably thinking that your perceived difficulties are just another problem for them to solve. You need to tell them that their offer is generous but you cannot accept it. You will have to accept that your friendship won't be the same again.

You say that you would go if you had more time to save up. The alternative is to treat their offer as a loan and say that you want to pay it back. That way you won't be beholden to them (if this is your issue).

Maybe they have accepted other peoples regrets because they are not bothered about them attending, but don't want to accept yours because they REALLY want you there. Be flattered!

Is it really just the money that is worrying you, cos if it is maybe you could just accept the accomodation offer, but try and find a budget outfit yourself (ebay?). You can usually find a travel bargain if you really shop around.

Oh wow - thank you for all you replies and wise words. I sound like an ungrateful bitch don't I? But there is a bit more to it I suppose.

Firstly its a heck of a journey to make with 3 small kids by myself and no, I don't want to do this. I'm not even sure if the kids will be allowed in the bar at night too and my friends have vaguely mentioned a babysitting service. There is no way I could do that and wouldn't be happy leaving the kids as I never do it. Especially not in some random hotel. My friend is also the type to "casually" mention to everyone how they have paid and how this was so generous of them

I know this means a lot to them but I also think that if they have decided to get married so far away, they have to expect that people just cant make it.

I'm looking into maybe just going myself and leaving the kids with granny. Its a lot to ask tho as she is already helping out with me being at college.

I can't sleep for worrying about this and trying to please my friends but also thinking about what is right for us. I'll let you know what happens and thanks again for your replies, you have given me lots of different perspectives which has been really helpful xx

SDD - if you really don't want to go, don't go just because you feel pressured. They probably don't understand about the kids side of it. If you could enjoy it on your own though, and granny is ok with the kids, don't feel bad about taking their money! Like you say they've made it inaccessible so they have to expect people not going, but if you do actually like them and they can afford it, go for it.

But don't go just out of an obligation - you don't want to feel bought. And you mustn't lose sleep over it - it isn't important enough.