money, money, money

[amber1979]

I have a dilema, really not sure what if anything I can do.

I got made redundant last Christmas, but am doing ok because I have some savings.

My DP, is on sick pay at the moment following a nervous breakdown last Christmas. We don't live together (we were in the process of buying a house, TTC etc just before Christmas).

The problem is, that he is slowly using up my savings. The odd tenner there, a bit of food shopping here, a bottle of wine....

I'd really like to keep my money for a house deposit one day... but I hate seeing him so miserable and destitue and I don't want to add to his mental problems with a big show down.

How do I deal with this, tactfully? I worked between fifty and eighty hours a week to build up my nest egg and I'm slowly starting to resent him. He is probably entitled to a lot more money than he is currently getting, but it's an uphill battle to get him to even look at the nescessary forms.

i would tell him you are not prepared to give him any money. you need to be honest with him otherwise you are going to be stuck in this situation. think about where you will be in twelve months time if you continue - in a worse situation as you will have no money as well. if he is not willing to pay his way now will he in the future?

i know its harsh but you have to think of yourself first and what you have had to sacrifice to get what you have now.

But how to do that, without making him feel even more depressed than he already is?

It wasn't like this when he was working - at one point he spent nearly half his months salery on a birthday present for me lol.

I have to agree with DLI- you need to tell him that you can't support him financially forever. Although he is ill and off work, his current situation won't give him the incentive to try and get back into employment.

You need to think about yourself and your longterm happiness. You've worked bloody hard and deserve to reap the benefits from it all.

You can't start to think about a house, baby, etc if the financial pressure is all on you!

He HAD a breakdown, not still having one!!

How is he managing to spend your money if you don't even live together?? Time to get tough with him. Explain

Although we don't formally live together, we spend about two thirds of the nights of the week together. It's food, wine, the odd tenner here and there.

He does however know that I am staying firmly on the pill until he's sorted himself out.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells over this. I'm sounding like a right wimp.

tell him that its your baby fund and that you are starting to feel anxious because it is rapidly dwindling. Say you have decided to put it into an account where it is difficult to get at. Then, next time he asks for money, you can say you can't give him any.

babyfund.... not a bad idea.. especially considering he wants us to have two of each lol.

He'd have me off the pill tommorow if he could.