i am really sad, and i feel silly

[PintandChips]

last year i broke up with exDP, father of DS, after years of a miserable relationship. a few months later i met a gorgeous man, 10 years younger then me (30). we fell in love. we had an amazing 6 months. But now it is over because he said that much as he loves me, and thinks i'm amazing, he is not ready to be part of a family and to settle down and have kids. i am so heartbroken. he says he is too, but he has to be honest about what he is capable of giving - and i respect that.
But i feel like a bloody fool for thinking it could work and i feel really unhappy that i am back on the shelf. All i want is to settle down and have a happy family life.
i know a lot of people go through a lot more pain than me, but right now that is not helping me to feel better. i am nearly 40 and i just feel like i've had enough of 'making the best of it'.
i am f*cking sick of life not working out.
sorry for the moan.

that's a bit shit of him really, he knew you had kids all along?

yes, but i only have ds 4 days a week, so i always saw him without ds... i think he sort of ignored the 'other life' i had until now, with it getting more serious he's had to think about what he's willing to get involved with.

i can't blame him for being honest, although i do feel angry with him because he always knew. He thought if we loved each other enough it would work out. and i suppose that's true and there's my answer.

i just feel so tired of life being difficult.

I know its sad and hard now but you had an amazing six months, the guy was honest and didn't waste your time or mess you about changing his mind. You know you can meet someone ese when you are ready and will have more amazing times. You must have a lot to offer and he clearly saw that.

Don't see it as a failure - see it a lovely, if short, relationship that you were lucky to have had,and now look to the future.

thanks mrs.

i know you're right, i just sort of needed to hear it from someone else.

mrsb is right

OK. i'll put the wine down and get back on Guardian Soulmates.

onwards and upwards.

i'll miss the sex though.

Oh OP, just responded on your other thread.

You are by the sounds of things better off.

He sounded immature and hard work tbh.

Look after yourself.

Pint saw your other thread too. At least he did it now, not in 5 years when there is less chance of you having another baby. I know you must be heartbroken though .

Thanks pink and diddl.
i am heartbroken.
But yes, better now than in a few years.
It really helps to be able to vent on here.
Thanks again

Found myself in a similar situation so I do understand how you feel.

My DH and I split nearly two years ago and I met another man a few months after. He was a couple of years older than me but didn't have any children.

He was well aware of my family life (two DSS, eldest ASD) and said he didn't mind, etc. We were together for 18 months and he dumped me on New Year's day this year, telling me he couldn't do the 'whole package' - meaning couldn't hack the kids, ex-DH etc, I suppose.

My confidence has been shattered (he broke it off after 'kindly' pointing out where I was going wrong with disciplining my youngest!) and I don't know if I ever want to introduce my kids to a new man ever again. I don't want them to remember some string of 'mummy's friends' running through their childhood.

I totally understand when you say you're sick of making the best of it and when all you want is a happy family life. It feels like I'm always waiting for something to happen - does that make sense?

I'm generally happy with my lot and I suppose you just have to think back to what it was like with the Ex-DH. At least you're well out of that one. And 6 months of lovely sex to remember I suppose.

You're certainly not a fool for wanting it to work out. It's only natural to feel that way when you're in a relationship.

For my part I try to always have little events to look forward to - a girls' night out, going to get your hair done, etc. Would it help you to organise something fun to do for yourself? Do you have any babysitters?

Best Wishes