How much longer can i be made a mug of?

[queenoftheslatterns]

dh isnt a bad man, he isnt abusive and he loves us but this is the 2nd time in a month that i have started a thread like this. he goes out nearly every weekend, if its not football its someones birthday/wetting baby's head/been dumped. he always goes out about 4ish (today was later because of nephews birthday party) he wassupposed to go into RAF this week and hasnt because of medical issues. he hasnt worked for years. was going to uni but hasnt graduated etc. we have NO money. he promised me faithfully that he would be home by 7. still out and not answering his phone. samwe thing happened a few weeks ago. in fact same thing happens every time he goes out. its not so much the going out thing (although i am annoyed today) its the fact that he NEVER comes home on time.

wtf should i do?

In answer to your question - as long as you want to

you have definately done the right thing.

Hope you are ok....

thank you. he has just called, started off apologetic ended with "i will never forgive you for this, ive done nothing wrong" called mum told her we arent going for lunch tomorrow. cant stop shaking but oddly have only cried a bit. ive had enough. he always puts his friends first and im sick of it. every mc he has gone out while i am suffering. this w/end is the 3yr anniversary of the ep. im upset and struggling with it, he still went out.

its about time he (as lulu said) manned up.

Ahem

he has done things wrong, don't let him say otherwise ...

he promised he would be home by 7pm

he turned his phone off

his mate rang you saying he had been kidnapped

he came home and was abusive to you in your own home so you had no choice but to call police

Do not blame yourself....

Queenie, dont blame yourself.

He should not be staying out late

He should not be verbally abusive

He should not be emotionally abusive

DO NOT blame yourself

Plan what you want to happen and go for it!

you did the right thing imo.

to answer your OP, he will go on making a mug of you until you do something about it.

Well bloody done for doing something about it tonight.

He is acting like a selfish teenager with no responsibility or thought for anyone else.

Doing the housework my arse - that's a cop out that allows him to maintain the pretence that he contributes to the running of the house. He does fuck all by the sound of him. Tell him he could be easily replaced by a cleaner.

Don't allow yourself to feel like you over reacted tomorrow. Stay on your high horse and tell him you have had enough of his selfish crap. He is 100% in the wrong here.

WELL DONE FOR TAKING BACK CONTROL!! maybe this will force him to confront the fact he is behaving like an idiot

regardless of whether what he did tonight is bad/abusive/wrong, for 7 years, while you have had a child and you have struggled with all the things that have happened, he has sat on his arse, no job, no study, .. for me that in itself would be a deal breaker

compounded with the way he treats you, well...

and antoher thing, if he does not work , how the fecking hell can he afford to stay out all night drinking?

i am now furious on your behalf, and i hope you are angry too..

Am soooo on your behalf.

Your dh is behaving like a complete arse; cocklodger and emotional vampire also spring to mind as well.

Don't feel bad for him or your actions - you were 100% right to call the police!

Next time he threatens custody off of you just remind him that being a drunken asshole and being taken to mummy's by the police doesn't put him in a very good parenting light either!

Put yourself and your dc first; get rid of this parasite.

Sorry to be blunt, but I am so mad that he thinks he can treat you so disrespectfully.

just checking in this morning to see how you are doing

sounds like you have taken control

hope you are feeling as ok as you can ...

checking in to see how things are with Mr cocklodger man...

thank you all for bearing with me. dh and i have been talking all day. he is (rightly) mortified, but we have been having problems for such a long time. you cant go through what we have without it affecting your relationship. he is calling agencies, job centres, mates etc on monday and we will try to draw a line under the whole debacle. i do think i overreacted in calling the police and i am in no way a total victim here. i give as good as i get and have been utterly wrapped up in ,my own grief and depression, i had no energy left to care for him too. we are giving it one last go. we owe it to ds and ourselves.

that's good news! even if you do think you over- reacted in terms of calling the police you needed to do something to break the downward spiral and your actions last night may just have achieved that.

Be kind to each other - that's so very important.

xx

I'm a little confused now. recieved a letter from police today about DV and dh started shouting at me about it again. telling me that i overreacted etc. I now feel v guilty about it. to compound issues i have been v ill since mon with D&V so no energy to argue.

also cant get over something he said on sat night and again sun morning.

he called me an infertile bitch and said that he would be ok, would go and have loads of kids with someone else.

i cant get over it and cant forget it. but feel a little like ive run out of steam now.

I'm sorry, but your DH is a complete and utter cnut! I can't believe he said that to you!!!

I'd divorce him sweets - he'll probably never change.....