Feeling angry/upset by XMIL

[BertieBotts]

I have just spoken to XMIL (not quite MIL - we were never married - using it for ease) on the phone about XSIL seeing DS (XSIL is a school age teenager) and she just managed to upset me going on about how XP is a brilliant father and that he was "so devestated when he came home to find everything gone" I found this really really upsetting at the time and although I am happier now and know it was the right thing to do I just wanted to leave all that behind.

I had to leave behind his back because he was controlling, but haven't really spoken to her about this as I don't think it's her business. I am wondering now whether it was too soon to initiate contact with XP's family or whether this was always going to happen and wondering why I bothered in the first place. FFS I was only trying to do what is best for DS to let him have a relationship with his family.

I know I am probably being unreasonable and if DS found himself in this situation in 27 years time I'd probably feel protective of him too but I just wanted to vent a bit.

Well, she only knows what she's been told.

And he's probably told her that he did nothing wrong and you just upped and left him devastated.

You either have to tell her the truth although she is unlikely to believe it.

or tell her she doesn't know what she is taking about and she either leaves it alone or she will spoil any chance of a relationship with your DS.

Yes I know she only knows what she has been told. Hence saying that I know I am probably being unreasonable. Just felt upset and wanted to vent in a safe space - it took a lot for me to send the text/answer the phone call and maybe I should have left it longer.

Isn´t it up to your XP to ensure his son has a relationship with his family?

That is what people keep saying to me - which is making me think they are right! I suppose I just didn't think that he would bother and I thought it was unfair on his sister especially since she hasn't done anything wrong and it's unfair that she should miss out on seeing DS. But after speaking to XMIL, XP has been round there anyway with DS so it seems I didn't need to do this at all.

If she is going to say things like that you can go two ways

either tell her what went on

or tell her that there are two sides to every story and as she only know one side she had better not keep bring it up as, all you wanted to do was make sure she had contact with her grand dc and if she keeps bringing things up from the past that she knows nothing about the contact is going to be difficult.

I think it's great you are facilitating contact with your ex's family. We are having a difficult time because our DN were banned from coming around to our house. They are now sneaking out to see us - but under no circumstances are allowed to eat the food here . It's made everyone unhappy.

If your DS only see's the whole side of that family when he is on 'dad time' you really restrict the ammount of time he can spend with half his family.

However MIL is totally unreasnoble and has no right to comment on anything. I wouldn't dream of talking to DN's mum about any of the stuff she has done in the past (or the stuff she is doing now actually - all I'm interested in is seeing them). I think you need to try to stick to child related stuff - even if you end up a broken record 'I'm sorry I'm not willing to talk about that' ect ect.

Well,of course access would be restricted by the contact ex has.

That said-they (his family) can approach you surely?