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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unfaithful DH - Please, if you've been through it, come and give me practical sugestions on how to move forward.

8 replies

sorrowonastick · 06/02/2010 10:47

He is sorry, I don't want to break up. We are in councelling.

I just feel so alone, empty, hurt. Where do we go from here? Practically, how do I deal with my feelings? How do we ever regain trust? How do we ever have sex again without thoughts invading my head? How long does it take to heal?

Thanks

OP posts:
countingto10 · 06/02/2010 10:54

Sorrow, so sorry you had to join this rotten club. I'm sure WhenwillIfeelnormal and Happywoman will be along soon with their wonderful advice. I'm coming up to the first anniversary of discovery of my DH's affair - it does get easier with time it's true although I have been struggling lately because of the anniversaries.

The book, Not Just Friends, is the recommended reading and I found this site very useful too.

Me and my DH had about 4 months worth of counselling at Relate and it was a life saver but my DH delayed telling the whole truth about the affair until about 6 months after discovery and this put back our recovery - he had a very hard job facing up to what he had really done and the impact on the whole family.

Anyway good luck, patience and tolerance and one day at a time etc.

ItsGraceAgain · 06/02/2010 11:32

I feel for you, too, Sorrow. I've been where you are (a little too often!) and know how easily this becomes 'your' problem. It's not. It's a shared problem. When the erring partner finishes the affair, he goes through a period of grieving - which is a bummer for you, and is liable to make him feel ratty & grumpy. It makes things extra hard, because this is the very time you need him to be gently caring for your bruised heart.

The affair's over, something important has gone out of your partner's life and he's suffered for it ... what next? He feels he's made a sacrifice, weathered your storm of hurt, and wants to put it all behind him. He wants things back the way they were before. Trouble is, things aren't the way they were before: they never can be!

Before the affair, you trusted him. That trust has gone - it's broken. It can't come back. The good news is, you can build, effectively, a new relationship that's both stronger and better than the 'old' one. Your new love will be built on a fuller & deeper understanding of one another and your individual weaknesses. It does happen, more often than you think, and is certainly worth making the effort for

He'll need to appreciate the huge amount of hurt you've suffered: the damage is always more than the strayed partner knows (or wants to think about, even). You'll need him to answer all your questions honestly - as many times as you need to ask them. This is not time to be telling you what's "good for you" or what "you need to know". He'll need to grasp the idea you can't trust him right now, so he should tell you where he is, who he's with and what he's doing - as often as you need to know. You need him to bear with you, patiently, while you do your own grieving for what you've lost.

This is an excellent time for the pair of you to revisit your hopes, dreams, plans & expectations for your lives together. While you practice your honesty & openness with each other, you can get to know each other better and start creating the future you both deserve - and it does get better!

I second the recommendation for "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass Wishing you both good luck .

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 06/02/2010 12:05

Sorrow - I would echo the Not Just Friends Recommendation - and Mumsnet.

I think recovery depends on so many factors, so it would be helpful to hear more about what happened to you - the story of the affair and the story of your marriage.

One piece of urgent advice I will give you is to give vent to your feelings and questions, but bear in mind that anger is very often met with defensiveness and a lack of complete honesty. So, if you feel the anger bubbling up while he is telling you what happened and why, it is sometimes best to call time at that point and return later.

To your husband, I would say: be honest straight away - don't hide anything, because lies told now and drip fed information will hinder recovery.

One of the things I also want you both to bear in mind is that one cannot forgive until one knows all there is to forgive. Holding back now on details, however small, will harm both of you, although the with-holder often doesn't realise how much this harms them too.

Your quest for knowledge depends so much on the type of person you are. If you're someone like me, you will need to know everything, however painful - and however trivial. If you are like this, you might also want to piece together events like a jigsaw - look at the affair as a timeline and with a diary, work out when the peaks and troughs of the affair were. Review the significance of key dates and events - this helped me enormously.

Later on, I constructed a timeline of when the build up to the affair started. You'll need a good memory for this, but it really helped me make sense of what had been a 10 month build-up, and 4 months of an active affair.

For most of us here, infidelity has been the worst event of our lives - the devastation is enormous and it often comes as a surprise that it has a ripple effect on every aspect of life. If this is a recent discovery, you will be in shock - and reading a bit about post-traumatic shock will help you understand your feelings and why they are happening. In the early days, you may feel unsafe - infidelity really does make us feel threatened in a way that feels surprising - and is very rarely written about.

Depending on the details you give us, I would wait a while before counselling and try to discuss events together for now. Counselling works when both partners are committed to honesty and it can really help if you get stuck on certain issues.

Have a trawl around these boards for more help, but it might help your esteem a little if you read a post I made yesterday on the "In turmoil over my affair" thread. This is not about you, or even your relationship, but it is to do with your husband; the fault is with him. You are not to blame for his affair.

Will say more when you give us more info, but be reassured, it is possible to get through this terrible life event and emerge stronger and happier as a couple. As Grace says, it provides a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get the husband and the marriage you deserve, and always wanted.

Although this is painful - and there will be more pain to come - the worst is really over. That period of time when you were actually most vulnerable; the build-up to his affair and the affair itself, has passed now. The time when you were an unknowing victim has gone and your knowledge gives you enormous strength.

ItsGraceAgain · 06/02/2010 12:14

Wonderful post, Normal. Realistic & optimistic

Karmann · 06/02/2010 13:15

These posts contain some excellent advice. It is a very difficult thing to get over but it is achievable in time. The pain in the early days is horrendous but it lessens as time goes by. Grace is absolutely right about building a new relationship. It won't be the same as it was before but it could be better. I still have days when I struggle but on the whole it's getting better day by day. I really hope the advice given by the other posts help.

sorrowonastick · 07/02/2010 00:27

sorry for no replying sooner, I have name changed to post so don't want to be changing back and forwards as its a pita.

thanks so much for your messagesa. tbh I don't want to say too much about it. I found out about 5 months ago, but then fresh revelation yesterday, and the kids found out a bit (they are little though - DS 6 found out , the others younger) which has totally made me break down.

There has been almost 10 years of depeption of one kind and another. Yesterday he tried to lie again when I uncovered more. Said he lied because he didn't want to hurt me more (and I do believe that, but what an misguided idiot) and now of course it is worse than ever. I thought he had really come clean last time (5 months ago) and had been working on that basis - that all was revealed and I could no trust him again. But obviously not. I feel such a loser. When he started lying again yesterday to cover his tracks I actually believed him again for a bit. what an idiot I have been

OP posts:
countingto10 · 07/02/2010 09:00

Sorrow, my DH has lied all his life from the age of 5. The lying has been a major problem, he has had to look at himself and his reasons for lying which initially went back to a very dysfunctional childhood to protect himself, too covering up things he didn't want me to know about in the marriage ie financial stuuf, culminating in all the crap with the affair.

I caught him out over Christmas again with a gambling issue (not a large amount of money) but he tried to hide something from me and then got defensive etc again. I stood my ground and he had to confront his lying behaviour which, if he was honest, he hadn't really addressed in the counselling or since discovery. It was his "road to Damascas" and mine too, as I realised I wasn't going to put up with it and would challenge everything I wasn't happy about.

Even our therapist said my DH was soo good she didn't know if he was bullsh*ting !

Sorrow, it's not about you - it's him and his issues, has he had any individual therapy ?

BTW I had a real meltdown 6 months from discovery when I found out stuff which I had thought had happened and he had denied, was actually true. Why couldn't he have just told the truth ? He told me the truth was so awful he didn't want to admit to himself that he had done it but knew he couldn't risk me bumping into OW and her coming out with it so in the end he had to come clean.

FWIW I keep looking to the future, to the marriage and husband I want and try to focus on that. My DH is changing and has changed, it hasn't happened overnight (it's behaviour that evolved over 35 + years after all).

Good luck.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 07/02/2010 14:07

Sorrow, it's a shame you won't say more, as what you have said resonates with many of us and we could help you.

Based on what you've said though, I think what might be emerging is a man who hasn't really dealt with who he is as a person. As Counting says, if someone has been lying (to themselves as much as everyone else) for a long time, it's expecting too much for that behaviour to cease in 5 months.

There comes a time when finally, you are able to have a shared understanding of what happened and why, but it takes time - and is frustrated enormously when things still don't quite add up. It's not clear how this fresh information was exposed in your case, but what often happens is that to outward appearances, the betrayed spouse seems to keep picking at a wound. This is not because they are self-harmers who won't recover, but because something in their consciousness keeps telling them that the truth is not quite "out there". So they revisit earlier disclosures, ask the same questions again - and feel fresh hurt when something new does emerge, or an earlier lie is exposed.

Eventually - but only when the betraying spouse finally "gets it" - that their denial, with-holding and lying, is doing more harm than good - the betrayed spouse finally arrives at a story that "fits" both what their subconscious is telling them - and also what are incontrovertible facts, such as texts and E mails that have been seen, phone bills examined and unassailable facts such as meetings held etc.

It is only when the full horror is revealed that true healing can take place - you know then what there is to forgive. This helps to heal the relationship, but if the betrayer is still in denial about their character flaws and does no work on themselves, the problem (which originated in them) does not go away. It might not manifest itself in infidelity again, but it will show up later in some other way, either with you or someone close to him.

So if someone doesn't address their love of secrets, their narcissism, their selfishness, their capacity for deceit and lying - all of which are necessary to an extent in having an affair - they will go on behaving in that way in all sorts of other situations.

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