I work with this man, and i have had feelings for him for about 5 years or so, i'd call them phases..(.i'd really like him but then i'd try to forget it for a few weeks but it wouldnt last long b4 i'd really like him again). When my grandma died i wanted him to b with me to support me but he wasnt. He had a gf, i had a boyfriend and i was due to get married. I never told this man i liked him and continued to get married. I'm gonna sound like a big slag now but 3 months later i left the marriage for someone else, another friend who i'd become close to and he made it obvious he wanted me. When i split from my husband my mum and dad disowned me and made my life hell as they were angry etc which is understandable. I had to move far away. 6 months later i moved back and was pregnant at this point my mum and dad wernt happy about it as you'd expect and my mum said some really nasty things prob out of anger. Eventually once my little girl was born they started talking to me again and made a effort and everything has been ok.
I started back at work where i use to b4 and one day stupidly at work i told the man who i always had feelings for that i use to really like him - he was gutted as he had felt the same way but was with someone at the time and like me darent say. Months passed and we gradually grew closer and closer i tried to forget about him n cut him out but i'd end up being drawn back to him, until we realised that we still had those feelings. He has split from his gf and i decided to split with my bf (the father of my dd). My bf didnt take it very well and said we should try again which i reluctantly agreed to. Again i tried to cut this man out but due to my selfishness i couldnt do it so we started seeing each other in secret ("affiar"). Now i have told my bf we should split and its bcoz i have feelings for someone else,Ive not told him the whole truth (i.e what we've done together etc)as i want to keep things as nice as they can be but i feel so low right now. Me and my bf (or ex as of monday) cant afford to move so we have to live together which is awful as he says nasty things to me daily (dont get me wrong i totally understand why - i'd be the same). He wont let me see the man i have feelings for yet until he gets his head round it which again i understand. We r also not telling people just yet. We also want to keep things civial for the sake of our little girl.
I suggested maybe we should start doing things on our own to make it feel like we have split i.e seeing friends on a evening etc as were still stuck in the same routine except we dont sleep in the same bed.
Tonight i have found he has been emaiing and texting his ex gf saying he loves her n misses her etc and arranging to meet her as she's such a good friend(until yesterday he hadnt spoken to her for 4yrs) I'm not mad that he's doing this, i am a little annoyed hes arranging to see her when he's told me i cant see mine until he decides. I am also terrifyed my mum and dad are going to dissown me again and i'm going to get lots of abuse i'm not sure i can cope with - all brought on myself i no.
i also saw him email a woman asking her for a "confidential hotline" number and he told her he hasnt seen our dd for almost a week now - which is a lie! He sees her everyday and spent yesterday with us both as we went to a play area with her as we decided dd needed a day of fun n we forgot about our problems for the day and concentrated on dd. Today was his day of but he took her to my mums so he could fix his car but from what i've seen on his fb profile he's spend most of the day on there.
I have reassured him i'm not going to "take" dd and suggested joint custody and made it quite clear that i think we both should spend equal amounts of time in her life as she needs us both. He knows i have strong views of people who use there children against their partners. I dont know what he's plotting to do but i'm terrifyed he's going to take dd or say i'm a bad monther of something, i cant sleep.
I know this is all brought on by myself but im just stuck i dont know what i'm expecting to gain by posting this but i just needed to write it all down so things r clearer in my head.
sorry.