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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

too hard

9 replies

SueSylvester · 06/02/2010 00:43

The evening I told my husband I think we should seperate.
I think my heart is smashed into a million pieces.

OP posts:

nickschick · 06/02/2010 00:46

Well just bcos youve said it doesnt mean it has to happen.

Whats next? will you try counselling try to work it through?

or is this 'the end'?

For lots of people 'the end' is just the very beginning several people I know have become more the person they were now they are single.

Your heart is smashed because none of us marry and plan on getting divorced....its a hard thing to decide.

Whats next??

(( hug 4 u))) u will be ok,the world keeps turning and theres always a new day.

Original poster

SueSylvester · 06/02/2010 01:06

I don't know. I feel like I just shot him, he was so shocked.
But I can't ever make him happy and I can't live like this anymore. If I'm going to feel so lonely I might as well be alone.

OP posts:

ShiriDoula · 06/02/2010 01:12

I'm so sorry for you...

not much I can say really...

(((((hugs 4 u)))))

maristella · 06/02/2010 01:23

can you change the way the relationship is?
you haven't given us much to advise you on, so all i can send you is a hope you're ok

berries · 06/02/2010 08:21

I'm going through the same thing. I told him six months ago and it does get easier for both of you. I guess my ex just thought we could drift along forever. although I don't think he was happy he wasn't actively unhappy iyswim. I was. I was lonely too but am far less lonely on my own than I was living with him. hugs x

CostaTen · 23/03/2013 10:55

We separated last year after plodding on for 2/3 unhappy years. DH was very shocked when I told him I wanted to separate. He had basically buried his head in the sand. He words were 'well, I'm happy and so are the kids so.....' In other words my happiness didn't matter.

Things are getting better although there have been lots of ups and downs, nasty words said and lots of tears (from him). He moves into his own place tomorrow, we have sorted out the arrangements for our DCs and go back to mediation for a 3rd time next week to hopefully sort out the financial side of things.

What are the main reasons of you wanting to separate OP?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/03/2013 11:22

Courage. Why do you think it's your job to make him happy? Why isn't he happy? And why do you feel so alone? Break-ups are rarely without difficulties but, if you're certain this is the answer for you, don't be put off at the first hurdle.

surroundedbyblondes · 23/03/2013 11:24

Costa, that just about sums up my life right now. DH and the DC are happy, why break that all apart?

CostaTen · 23/03/2013 11:44

We tried blondes - or I did!!

I wanted to separate 2 years ago but DH was so distraught that I agreed to go to Relate. Things got better for a (short) while but I soon went back to feeling totally unappreciated and unloved and as the OP said lonely.

There had also been some VA over the years which I just couldn't get past it despite H stopping after our counselling. Our intimacy went and I knew it would never return when all I could think about was him telling me to 'Shut it!!'

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