He likes her and the children to be home when he finishes work, including on the days he lets her know at short notice that he'll be home early.
He likes the house tidy and the children quiet when he comes home and will lose his temper if it's messy/noisy.
He sulks.
He expects instant compliance when he asks his son (5) to do something. He smacks him or sends him to bed if he doesn't do as he's told straight away.
He expects his DS and DD (2) to play on their own in their rooms. My friend has "dared" to introduce a small toy unit into the living area, so her DD can play close by to her. Her DH won't have it.
He loves fishing, so they go on lots of fishing holidays: he fishes for a week/fortnight, and she runs around after the children. There is no way he'd entertain going on a holiday centred around one of her interests, or a standard family holiday.
A few weeks before Christmas, I asked if they'd like to do something fun one day during the school holidays. She said, "Well, DH has decided he'd like us to go to France. I'm hoping he'll go off the idea, but he might not, so we might not be around." I thought, "But do you want a last-minute trip to France in the week before Christmas? And why doesn't what you want seem to matter?"
He leaves early for work, so wakes her up around 5am a few mornings a week for sex, even though she doesn't want it then and gets tired from being woken up so early.
She seems unhappy - worn down by him. She says she feels bullied; as though she's treading on eggshells a lot of the time when he's around. She pleads with the children to be quiet/tidy, or else Daddy will get cross.
She has tried to talk to him about how she feels, but he will not see things her way. The only way is his way. He criticises her for how she takes care of the children, for being too soft on them, for letting the house get messy. He said to her recently that he honestly doesn't know how she managed to get her two degrees.
She says he never used to be like this; that he's getting worse. Yet despite her unhappiness, I don't think it's occurred to her to not put up with it.
I feel sad to keep hearing about how she and the children are being treated. Is this emotional abuse? Should I try to gently suggest this to her, and point her in the direction of information/support? Or is interfering not an option, and I should just keep on listening, and hoping for the best?
Thanks for any ideas.