Ex wife trying to worm her way back in? or am I being paranoid?

[Dontspillthecoffee]

Last weekend, DP's ex wife turned up to take their son out for the day (he lives with us). She insisted on coming in and stood there for 20 minutes trying to make conversation with DP about all her problems and the fact that she hates her current partner and desperately wants to leave him. All this was done in hushed voices away from me and their DS but I just about heard the jist of it.

I was quite annoyed by it because I don't see why she needs to involve DP in all her problems. Perhaps I was being a little possessive. I admit that.

Anyway, today DSS has an apointment at the school. He wanted me to take him rather than his mother who he doesn't actually like but I thought I'd do the grown up thing and insist that his mum has more right there than me. So, DP text her and asked if she'd take DSS. She replied back instantly (very unusual) saying she would definately do it. She then added "See you then and we can go from your house". DP was like "I'm at work, YOU will be taking him on your own" so I think the initial excitement of the offer was because she thought DP was going with her. (I know you'll say she was probably just showing interest in her son but she NEVER shows interest in her son. She tries to get out of taking him out whenever she can!).

So anyway, the idea was that she would pick him up at 10am today. She was told not to come any earlier as DSS wouldn't be ready and I told DP I didn't want her hanging around the house for ages again.

So she turned up at 9.30 and asked DSS if she could come in for half an hour. I'm not sure if she realised I would actually be in. Reluctantly, DSS let her in and she was stalling them going out as much as possible saying he needed to wipe his jacket down and re-do his hair etc etc.

She was here for over half an hour. Why would she do this??

I'm concerned that as things as so bad for her at home, she regretting giving up the comfort and stability she had with DP. Why else would she want to spend so much time here?

Gawd. What was she doing in your house for half an hour? Was she chatting to you? What's she like with you?

It is also DS's house though too... perhaps she is trying to reconnect with him now that her relationship is going tits up?

Remember your DP is with you now, and by the sound of it is not secretly yearning after his XW. So why not try to be gracious over the whole business? Unless she's actually rude or aggressive towards you, or pees on the carpet or something, why's it such a problem for her to spend half an hour in your house when she's unhappy?

Re-read your post.

It's totally fucked up that you suggest that your DSS doesn't like his own mother. Poor little bugger having you for a step-mum.

You shouldn't bew trying to come between them. If she's trying to get closer - that's a good thing and you should be happy for him.

I don't think she is trying to come between them daisy, the OP arranged for her dss to go to appointment with his mum rather than her.
I think OP's point is that the ex is hanging around HER house, she could surely spend time with her son at her own house or elsewhere.

She is with another person, he is with you. Obviously both of them have moved on and the fact that her relationship is ending doesn't mean that she is interested in rekindling the one she had with your man. They were a family at some point and I suppose, also good friends, she may be drawing support from whoever is around but that doesn't mean she wants him back.

Just remember, it takes a lot of courage to end a marriage, people who finally take the step don't do it lightly. So unless he left when she wasn't expecting it, it is unlikely for her to be carrying a torch for him.

I know that I stopped carrying a torch for exh years and years before we split, getting to the decision of leaving took ages and lot of heartache and stress. I wouldn't like him back no matter how desperate I was, yet, for a long time I saw him as a brother, and as "brothers" we provided support for each other when needed.

However, his last GF found that "brotherhood" out of order, and we are no longer talking to each other. It has been an absolute catastrophe for DS.