Painful sex high up - cervix?

[SusanMyer]

This may be a little TMI. Long. And definitely embarrassing.

Hope I don't forget to name change .

DS was born 19 months ago and DH and I tried sex about 4-5 months after the birth, but I think I was too tense or something so it didn't happen. Think we tried properly at about 6 months and it was painful so we had to stop. This happened a couple more times so I decided to go to the doctor. I was examined and asked if the pain was where my stitches are (2nd degree tear - not really painful). At that time the pain seemed to be more on the upper vaginal wall.
Anyway, I had been worried that I might have a prolapse as I had a dragging feeling, but she reassured me that it wasn't, but that I should try to remember pv exercises.

So I did my pv exercises religiously, and the dragging feeling went away, but every time we tried sex we have had to stop due to pain. Went back to see a different GP who gave me a more thorough examination, asking me to bear down, asked lots of questions etc. She too said definitely not prolapse, but sometimes the vaginal walls can get saggy after childbirth, also keep up the pv exercises and use lots of lube.

So we keep trying but by this point I am now so worked up about it all that I try to avoid doing it, and we are trying less and less.

Then in September we were on holiday and managed to get quite into it, but unfortunately I bled afterwards so I immediately became very worried and that put me off further.

I saw the doctor again and she suggested it may be thrush , but swab showed it wasn't so I had smear done.

The smear was abnormal - moderate dyskaryosis - and I was seen by gynaecologist for colposcopy. He took a biopsy and this came back that the changes were only mild, so I don't need to go back for another 6 months.

During this time I just couldn't face penetration, although I must point out that during all of this we have had lots of sexual contact in non penetrative ways.

Anyway, tonight we tried sex for the first time in a while and although I managed to relax, it was still painful, and I am feeling it painful high up, as if DH is pushing against my cervix. We had to stop again as I couldn't relax enough.

DH says that because I am tense and squeezing my legs together, he can't "get in" far enough. But to me it feels like he is in.

I feel really upset because I desperately want to get back to normal, but I don't know what else to do. I've seen three doctors and a gynaecologist and I'm not sure what to do now.

Is it possible that this may be due to me being tense? Do we just need to keep trying? Because although it has been a very long time, we have probably only had proper intercourse about 10 times since ds was born .

Awww rubbish. Poor you I can't do some positions anymore, like you, it feels like he's banging my cervix and it bloody hurts. It doesn't sound as bad as yours at all though. He sounds like a nice DH, are you trying it with him entering only a leeetle bit at a time with lots of lube to help you relax? If it hurts when he's only in a tiny bit then either you are tensing too much and need to work on the anxiety side, or you need to get back to the gynae and keep pushing until they sort it out. Vaginas do change and shift a bit after babies but it's possible that the more you try, the more anxious you get. Vaginismus is a physical condition caused by psychological anxiety - have you looked into that?

Just wanted to echo cat, since giving birth 2.5 years ago it feels like he's hitting my cervix in almost every position and I often have to stop sex because it's just too painful and I'm tensing up. I think my cervix must be lower somehow, but I don't know much about this stuff so don't know if it's a prolapse or what. I've had a smear since and nothing was said, who knows.

Deep pain during sex can be very suggestive of endometriosis; this is usually only diagnosed through a laparoscopy operation.
I am wondering if this possibility has been considered, it does not look like it. Scans, swabs and blood tests will not detect it at all.

Some GPs as well are ignorant when it comes to endo and this possibility may not have even entered their minds.

I would ask the GP to refer you to a consultant gynae at the nearest city centre hospital to you. You will need to be persistant in order to get answers.

Thank you all for your advice .

It's not painful when he is only in a little bit, but if I do relax and let him in more then it can be a bit sore so I then tense up.

It's not agony or anything, more like discomfort to mild pain, but obviously that kills any sexual feeling I had to begin with.

I will look into vaginismus, and I think we are going to keep trying for a few months, as I will be seeing the gynae for a colposcopy in 3 months time, so I am figuring that I can drop it into the conversation and he can have a look "while he's up there" .

DH is amazing - he is so understanding and patient, though I know that deep down it is obviously bothering him. Poor bloke.

There just seems to have been so many obstacles, but I really want to get things back on track now.