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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling like I'm a SINGLE MUM...should I BE one- or wait and see ????

4 replies

MrsForgetful · 04/02/2010 09:40

What do you do when you are married, but living day to day as a single mum?

I am fine until he comes home from work- then i want him to be 'part of the family' but there is nothing from him.

He has a gambling problem. He is trying 'FORCED cold turkey' (HE does not see HE has a problem) So...I am constantly vigilant...and know he will not suceed- as HE does not want to.
Both his parents died within the last 2 years- his family is like the mafia- so he is lost without them.He was reffered for bereavment counselling but 'forgot' to go.

Me- I have been on anti depressants for 14 years.I have had psychiatry & psychology - and am diagnosed with OCD.

Our boys are 10,13 &16 and all have a form of autism (aspergers) and are on medication for ADHD.

FACT - having special needs kids HAS strained our marriage....but it is NOT their FAULT.

DH and I have just run out of energy now. Like any family with teenagers...its way harder than when they are 'little'... but the behavioural/emotional problems they have to do with the autism just makes it harder.

I think at the moment....I'd just like advice from people on how i can BEHAVE better towards the boys...I am snappy, irritable and inconsistant. (Autistic peoople need consistancy/routine- so i am aware that its a 'spiral' as the more i get fed up- the less of a 'rock' i am to them...and that is reflected intheir behaviour...etc...etc...

I want to concentrate on the 'being a mum'...and ignore DH's detatchment. The guilt i feel about my treatment of the children is what is upseting me...DH and I may survive- may improve if the general 'atmosphere' improves..

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/02/2010 09:44

why say SINGLE MUM as if its something to be feared?

its not....its better than waiting arounf for some man you call 'D' H to step up to the mark

he wont you know....he has his own life and problems,you cant change him

MrsForgetful · 04/02/2010 09:58

yes---i realised on another thread that calling him DH was not right...so he is now DH

Its stupid...as I feel scared to go it alone - but am not getting any emotional support at all from him at the moment...so know that being single from that point will be no different.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/02/2010 10:17

special needs board here will have suggestions on coping with the dc better,am sure.

can you consider making HIM leave,so no change for the dc.....could be a trial separation?

GypsyMoth · 04/02/2010 14:40

bump for you

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