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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Half sister I've never met.WWYD?

7 replies

ThursdaysGirlHasFarToGo · 03/02/2010 22:09

Bit of background info:

My DM had me at a young age, my bio father was the same age. There was no relationship between them after DM discovered she was pregnant. DM told me that my bio fathers family went "ballistic" and they moved within weeks of finding out my DM was pregnant. DM family were very supportive regardless of the fact that they were quite strict and it was the mid 70's (so young SP not very acceptable at the time)

My DM later met and married my (now) DF who incidently is a cousin of my bio Father (I know what you're thinking!) and I have never really had any concerns or interest regarding my bio father, any questions I ever had were answered honestly.

My current dilemma is that my bio Father has 3 DC (2 DS and 1 DD) and I don't know if they even know about me or not. The DD has just sent me a request on FB. I am FB friends with a lot of her cousins who are also my cousins (step-cousins I should say). I don't know whether I should;

1- Accept the request and just leave it at that, see if she then makes any further contact.

2- Ignore her request as she might just be requesting me as a friend because we have a lot of "mutual" friends on FB.

So opinions please. What would you do?

OP posts:
warthog · 03/02/2010 22:20

i think i would accept the request and then wait and see.

it depends on how you feel really - would you be happy to get to know her?

Nemofish · 03/02/2010 22:21

Yes, accept and wait and see.

ShinyAndNew · 03/02/2010 22:24

I'd accept. I have my half sister I have never met on my FB. We contacted her via letter, as we were curious about her and knew that she knew about us.

She added us to FB and we sent a few emails. We have still never met her, but it is nice to know that she is okay and had a happy life. She had a lucky escape from our poor excuse of a father imo as did her mother, although I have never told her that.

Portofino · 03/02/2010 22:29

I would say it depends on your feelings about "truth will out". If you would rather let things lie, leave it...

If you are prepared for future "revelations", then go for it.

We seem to have a lot of this in older generations of my family. The internet makes it much easier to find people. But sometimes they don't want to be found. IFSWIM.

It's heartbreaking really.....

ThursdaysGirlHasFarToGo · 03/02/2010 22:34

Yes I suppose I would be happy to get to know her but I have no feelings of curiosity about her if that makes sense? I guess what I mean is that it has never occured to me to try to contact her or her 2 DBs.

I have only discussed this with one really close friend (apart from laying it bare to the gambit of MN of course!) and she is shocked that I am not beating down a path to the girls door right now!

I really hope I'm not sounding like an emotionally detached cold fish here. I'm not, honest.

OP posts:
ThursdaysGirlHasFarToGo · 03/02/2010 22:35

As well as being emotionally detached I also have no manners ............ thank you for your replies!

OP posts:
Portofino · 03/02/2010 22:41

I can understand that. My ex never knew who his father was. He wasn't the slightest bit interested. He had a "Dad" and that was enough for him. I admit, I found it strange that he wasn't just a "little" bit curious. But hey, his family, his thoughts.

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