2nd date - who pays?

[SingleMum01]

do I offer to pay half or not? I don't want him to think I'm taking advantage (he's got money, I haven't!) however don't want him to be insulted either!

think it depends on who has organised the night out and the general vibe eg if he orders the wine, asks for the bill etc then I think you could either let him pay this time, or just say, "can I get this?" when the bill comes, if it's not going to break the bank.

otherwise if the evening has gone well and he pays, you let him do so, thank him nicely and say "next time it's on me" or similar. if he has loads of cash he may not be bothered about splitting things all the time (though I'm sure he wouldn't like to be taken advantage of either )

If he refuses, buy a round when he goes to the toilet or something. I always do this, lets them know you are willing to contribute even if they don't let you.

its a lunch where you pay as you order, so it won't be expensive, won't be wine etc. He asked me on the second date, although I suggested lunch - we just had a drink on the first date, although he suggested lunch then.

Thesteelfairy - I like that idea.

It's not up to him to 'let' you pay. And what right does he have to be insulted if you contribute equally? You're not going to be insulted if he pays, are you?

Assuming he paid fully for your first date you should pay for the second one if you can afford it. If not, pay half (don't ask if you can pay, he's not going to say yes, is he) and suggest somewhere less expensive for your next date.

If he pays for everything all the time won't you end up feeling like you owe him something? (not saying you should, obviously!)

Geekisgood he paid fully for the first date, but I only had a coke, and declined the second drink!

Ok slow posting, see that it's not an expensive place - so the only problem with you paying is that he may not let you or may be insulted?

Oh dear.

Aagh cross posted again.

Well if it was only a Coke it doesn't really count! Whoever pays for this one should not pay for the next one then - or you buy food, he buys drinks, whatever.

If you want to feel on an equal footing with the guy, which presumably you do, I think you need to share costs as fairly as possible, obviously allowing for any great disparities in income.

When it's time to pay get your purse out. If he wants to pay he'll say so. So thank him and accept. Then buy a round or leave the tip. My boyfriend will often pay in a restaurant, and as the bill is usually about £50 I leave £5 tip and buy the first drink if we go to the pub after, or buy wine and beer if we go back to his.

do you need to leave a tip for a meal in a pub?

I think a man who really likes you really loves it when you are pleased with what he has offered and where he has taken you etc, rather than when you offer to pay towards the cost of a date. I wouldn't offer to pay, but would thank him very much for a lovely evening out (assuming you have one of course!)
I would only offer to pay if I had no romantic interest and didn't want him to get the wrong idea, or if it had been such a crap date that I had no plans to see him again (and therefore felt unable to enthusiastically say what a nice time I'd had).
I didn't ever pay for anything when dating DH unless it was his birthday. Now we have a joint account and share all our £££ so it's a non-issue.

Re: GeekisGood's comment "If he pays for everything all the time won't you end up feeling like you owe him something? (not saying you should, obviously!)"

Um, no. I've never felt like this.

An update - I never got chance to offer to pay, he just got up and went to the bar and paid!