I know it's not Friday, but I have a sex question.....

[sexquery]

I have a new partner and he seems to have trouble getting hard. He's not old (in 20s) and the odd thing is how inconsistent he is - struggling one second and very hard the next. I feel like it might be a psychological issue. I am sure he is very much into me physically, so it's not that. This has never happened to me before so I'm not sure what to make of it.

Does anyone have any insight?

It could be psychological - is he feeling stressed because you're newly together and he might feel he has to prove something? Or he might be facing other stress-inducing factors in outside life.

Then again, it could be physiological. If you can't pinpoint it to a particular psychological stressor, and you're both worried about it, a trip to the GP might not be amiss.

Anyone else?

It's very likely to be down to his excitement at a new relationship, mixed with nervousness about willy-wilt which triggers willy-wilt. I'd suggest relaxing over it for a while (you say he can get it up sometimes so the problem is probably not that major).
TBH if you haven't been together that long, don't start jumping into the role of mum/boss/owner and chasing him off for counselling/to the doctor. He'll either run a mile or you'll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of blowing his nose and pulling his pants up for him.

Most cases of ED is caused by stress and poor lifestyle choices. If your new partner smokes or drinks excessively, then that would be the area to look at. Stress affects blood-flow in the body and if the blood-flow is affected it will affect his ability to gain and maintain an erection.

Everyone thinks that Viagra is a drug that causes sexual excitement, but it's not - all it does is stimulate the neurons that regulates blood-flow.

Hope that sheds some light

Yes, SGB, I think the doc is a last resort. Willy-wilt is often part of the new-relationship territory.

A further thought ... if alcohol has been involved, then that will aggravate matters.

LOL SGB - no I would never suggest that!

My lover of 3 years couldn't get a hard on at first. He was still heartbroken over his wife and children moving a long way away and he hadn't had sex with her for a while. I was the first since. He went to the doctor who said it was anxiety and nerves and prescribed viagra. It is amazing stuff! We would have sex for hours with about 3 ejaculations.He soon started to take 1/2 a tablet or 1/4 and then none at all. He was very matter of fact about getting help and it avoided prolonging a frustrating situation.

Gotta love SGB. Common sense, even in the outer realms. (I charge by the hour, SGB, so if you use that line it'll cost you about 75p.)

A healthy man in his 20s can drink a barrel of beer, smoke all the fags in the machine plus a couple of spliffs, and still get a hard-on. If he's not healthy, OP, that is so not your problem (viz. SGB). Possibly you're doing something he doesn't like? Man in 20s = not the best at articulating stuff. Most likely, he's still getting over his ex or has exam/promotion nerves or his football team has just been relegated. In any case, the answer is ALWAYS to not make a fuss about it. Ego damage prolongs the problem, and a 20-year-old man's ego is inextricably linked to his willy.

Smile nicely, finish yourself off & snog him at breakfast time Good luck!

Yes, though it's annoying for you when Mr Floppy comes to visit, a nice man has fingers and a tongue and knows how to use them - and unfortunately if you indicate that you are disappointed, or keep anxiously fiddling with it or asking if it's something you did, the smaller it will shrivel. Equally, being too 'understanding' and reassuring him over and over again will have a similar effect as it keeps his mind on his recalcitrant willy, whereas a bit of distraction can often work just fine.

Poor guy is nervous. Give him a break and tell him you're happy to cuddle too. Its very difficult for them when they feel under pressure to perform.