Help me to handle my xh, I feel as bad today as when I was with him.

[thesteelfairy]

A conversation between me and exh today.

Me: Your sisters are texting me wanting to know what we are doing for ds's birthday.

Exh: I don't want everyone trooping over to see him, sick of that every f*cking birthday!

Me: Oh yes, well it's a real problem twice a year. (we have two dc)

Exh: Well I don't want to talk about it now will talk tommorrow.

Me: I have been asking you for a week what we are doing, so I can let them know, we need to make arrangements.

Exh: Well I don't want to talk about it.

Me: Well I will make arrangements myself then.

Exh: No you f*cking won't (said threateningly).

Me: (trying to show I am not intimidated by him) I will have to it is only a few days away.

Exh: FUCK OFF!, No wonder I am a fcking alcoholic, living with you and your shit all these years. Shut the fuck up and leave me alone you nasty fcking bitch!

End of conversation.

I am shaking and just want to cry with rage and sadness. Every single conversation ends this way. Even a discussion about our son's birthday. Please help me to deal with him. I need some tools to help me get through this discussions without being intimidated and coming down to his level.

Do his sisters understand the strain he places on you? Can you not make arrangements with them without his knowledge?

snorbs that is the best advice thank you. I have already started it, had a few accusations and swearing this morning and just did not acknowledge it. You are right I DO feel better. I must admit I still cried after speaking to him but now thinking about it I feel better and the impact is much less because I did not allow it to escalate.

His sisters know what he is like but they all just deal with it and his family all think I should to. He is like a giant toddler who has always been allowed t do and say what he wants to the women in his family.

Yet another tip - try to let any calls from him go to voicemail and then call him back when it's convenient for you. Or if he sounds drunk or angry, don't call him back at all. Just because someone has chosen to call you at a particular moment it doesn't mean you have to take that call at that time or even to respond in any way. (The only exception to this is when he has the DCs, in which case I'd always pick up.)

why are you enabling him to accus you are swear - you walk away you put the phone down - you do not listen. if you put the phone down you turn it off and don't answer.

Do not answer the phone do not send him text messages and if he sends you texts you delete them - no need to read them....

I have no idea whether my ex is happy,sad, depressed or whatever - cos I never allow him to speak to me.

don't allow it please for your sake and your dc's