friend trouble

[wheniwishuponastar]

so

am not sure what to do about my friend.

in the past when i have found people difficult ive pretty much just stopped being friends with them. gradually or otherwise. i dont usually confront. which is fine. who likes confrontation?

However, i dont think that always serves me best.

I'm an only child, and am beginning to wonder if everything people say about learning about relationships and how to get on with siblings is something i (obviously!!!) missed out on. i dont know if i can describe it properly but i think that if i had grown up with siblings i might be better at same sex friendships and learning to nip problems in the bud. rather than being afraid of saying something for fear that you won't see them again or something.

i think people with siblings are maybe more relaxed about things.

also, i'm pretty sensitive, so don't like saying things that i think might hurt other peoples feelings. even though people can be pretty rude to me!

a friend of mine has a job she kind of hates but its also really affecting her personality/turning her into something not great. if she could see it, i suspect she wouldnt be that happy about it.

we went out the other day and she spent the whole night being negative about everything and everyone, bitching and being aggressive and competitive with me. it was relentless. i didnt really know how to handle her because it was kind of unexpected.

she had had a bad time at work, and was having pmt. which she never normally gets.

thinking about it afterwards - and i know it might sound weird - but i think she might be actually quite unhappy. but she was taking it out on me!!! so its kind of hard for me to be sympathetic.

i think she is so stressed she cannot see what she is doing.

i have no idea if i should say anything, or what i would say. but im not prepared to put up with that abuse again. so i will have to modify my behaviour in some way (even if its just how i react to her bitchiness).

I would just say to her when she rings about meeting up "You know, you weren't exactly great company last time we went out- you're not going to be all moany again are you?"

It shouldn't be that hard, honestly. I think you are over-thinking this a bit.

She's unhappy and not with you - with everything else in her life from the sounds of it. But as you are sensitive type you could be internalizing it and almost think it's gotta be because of you... And you just want happy friend back.

I think you either put in some distance between you if you can't stand it and it's dragging you down. Or you take her to the coffee shop and have a chat with her about how concerned you are about her because she's not the happy person you know and love... And see what she says.

i think she is a bit far gone to just say that BoF - i totally know what you mean (and i agree im overthinking it). i think that's probably what i should have said AGES ago - but for quite a few reasons i didn't...

she's been getting worse over time. i should have nipped it in the bud straight away. but i wasn't that well myself at the time.

now i'm better, and she's just been steadily getting worst.

also - she tried to blame it on me that i wouldnt answer her attacking competitive questions in a way that she was happy with.

i think she would be totally defensive if i said anything. and would just attack me back.

i would just give her some distance. but ive got my hen do coming up in a few months so feel like ive got to do something about it.

thanks pancakeflipper. i guess i dont feel like i even like her at the moment!!!!!! she is a real bitch. and it was always there as an element in her personality but now its become too pronounced.

i think if i sat her down she would not take kindly to it. i think she thinks shes better than me! so would not take it very well if i said that. she just takes it out on me to make herself feel better. but thinking about it, ive realised that she's quite jealous about certain things (which didnt occur to me before). so i dont think she would take it very well coming from me.