How do you get over the guilt of a fling

[helpmegetoverhim]

I have been involved on and off for the past 18mths with a man who is attached.For the past 6mths I have also been involved with someone else.

This guy and I have huge history spanning several years and we missed the boat to be together.

Now I cant get him out of my mind. I know he wont leave her and if he ever did the consquences to both our lives would be devasting.

I feel awful for what I have done to my lovely boyfriend.

I just wanna know how you get over the guilt and put it behind me. I cant tell my BF it would destroy him.

I think the guilt is the price you pay for what you have done. There's not really a way of "getting over" it.

Cut all ties and don't ever communicate with the ex again.

If you really do want to be with your current DP then focus entirely on that relationship, not your fling.

Is 6 months a fling though? Sounds a bit more than that. Are you sure it's totally over, no loose ends and both of you clear you won't be in touch again?

Don't tell him then! Also don't see the attached guy again, the guilt will fade with time.

you put it totally and utterly behind you.

Thanks guys. I have already deleted his number and I hope he wont contact me again.

We still move in similar social circles which I backed away from years ago.....only for him to contact me via the evil facebook.

He knows I will always have a weak spot for him and vice versa. If we were both single ten years down the road then maybe.....

I have asked him to concerntrate on his relationship and told him I must do the same.

Guilt is eating me up...I hope it will fade.

i think you need to be sure that what your doin is the right thing for guilt to fade.

i had a fling. things were going seriously with me and DH and DS had just been seriously ill in hospital for 6 weeks - and we dealt with it totally differently. we seemed to go our separate ways after this.

i told Dh i was leaving him, and i told him i was seeing someone else. he pulled out all the stops - booked us into relate, really fought for our relationship and that made me realise what i meant to him. after a few relate sessions i knew what i wanted.

i left work - (it was a colleague i had been seeing) and concentrated on putting our marriage back together. that was 15 years ago and we are still together, married almost 19 years. it was painful and horrible and there fault on all sides, but i can honestly say he has never once thrown it back at me, and we drew a line under it a long long time ago. its never mentioned now. thank god.

• seriously wrong

that should say!

Thanks VicarInaTuTu.

i think you need to be sure that what your doin is the right thing for guilt to fade

Is a very good piece of advise. I did try an d end it with current DP as felt so guilty. It was only then I realised what I stood to lose and who I should be with

helpme I'm going to be really blunt here but this is from personal experience. If the other man wanted to be with you, he would make it happen. Please don't spend years of your life wondering what could/would have happened with someone who selfishly wanted you but not enough to disrupt his life.

If you have realised your DP is the one you want then you should probably view your fling as a blessing in disguise. It's brought you to your senses.

I wouldn't ever tell your DP. The guilt is the price you pay, I'm afraid.

I think you should tell your bf.

My relationship with dh was only saved because he finally came clean.

When he did, I felt I had already known it at some deeper level.

You can't hide. It comes out in other ways. Best control its release otherwise it will be controlling you and your bf.

What good is any relationship without honesty.

For me trust and honesty are crucial.

Another vote for honesty here.

I had a love affair - a fling makes it sound frivolous and it wasn't - but MM wasn't prepared to leave his family. I knew I couldn't carry on the affair. I felt I owed it to DH to try to repair our marriage before I made any decision about my future. I told him everything.

He was amazing and has helped me cope with my grief and shame. We are still in a terrible place, it hurts horribly but we are communicating again better than we have in years.

Without honesty DH and I would not have been able to start this process.

If I had been honest sooner and told him I was unhappy before I started the affair I would have saved us both a huge amount of pain and anguish.

Tell your BF.
It probably wont alleviate your guilt but at least the lies can stop along with the affair.

Alternatively, break it off with both of them (telling neither of them) and have a break before making a fresh and unhindered start with someone new because quite honestly, it sounds like an unhappy mess with no obvious cure.

Confusing stuff. Your boyfriend has another partner, but you feel guilty about your fling. I hope you're all practicing safe sex. Your boyfriend likely entered into this affair with the presumption that you wouldn't be sleeping with others and potentially bringing 'a gift' to the relationship. Even condoms can fail. Do you know if the fling guy has other partners? Yes, highly messy.

Do you want to be with your boyfriend? You said if you were single in 10 years and the om was you'd go back to him. Why wouldn't it last with your boyfrind?

If you can't be the girlfriend your boyfriend deserves then you should end it.

I think there has been a bit of confusion as I wasnt very clear in my OP.

The fling is the guy who has been on and off for last 18mths. Sometimes there were gaps of months in between our contact. He has a girlfriend and there was never any guilt on myside as she used to be a friend who really treated me very badly when I was at my lowest.

However since getting a serious BF myself 6 mths ago I have limited the contact with the other guy. However I had a weak moment and ending up sleeping with him.

I could never ever tell my lovely BF. One it would break him and he doesnt deserve it. I also want to give our relationship a chance.

Secondly I cant risk the other mans GF finding out as it would wreck some of our mutal friendships (and some of my professional relationships).

Yes I know its a mess and I deserve a flaming. Guilt is the price I have to pay now.