Would you find this offensive?

[arabella2]

Is this annoying?
Ds and I were in the living room this morning and he was writing a story for homework (he is 8) - I was sat next to him helping him start and giving him ideas.
Dh from kitchen (in the same room but at the other end) says wasn't I going to tell him to think of a beginning, middle and end (ie. plan the story before writing it) before he wrote it rather than just write it in a "neanderthal" way. Not sure of exact wording but word neanderthal definitely used. He tried suggesting to ds that he draw a few comic strips to make the plan but ds just carried on writing it with me.
Then later on dh came and sat next to us and again said something to me about teaching him to "plan" it. I was saying that I find that way of writing stories boring and he said that was "bollocks"..... Now I don't know but I found his way of expressing himself on both occasions offensive, but I don't know if that is what other people would think too. In any case ds's story turned out fine and was sweet.
So would you too have taken offence... Do you too think I should have taught ds how to plan the story???? I know it sounds trivial but would welcome any thoughts. Thanks!

Sorry, I meant 2rebecca not supercherry.

Arabella2, it was me who asked if you had told him how you felt. I didn't say you were interfering either- think you have a few posters mixed up in your last post.

I think it is inportant that you try to tell him how you feel, even if you have to write it down to avoid it escalating into a row.

arabella - your method and dh's method are both aceptable. Though in a school setting you will find that most KS2 teachers recommend a story board as suggested by your dh. More important si teh fact that yoru dh needed to put you dowh in from of your son about it.

His response will be very telling.

I know supercherry - sorry - I did get some posters mixed up and I know you didn't tell me I was interfering. As it is the weektime I feel a lot better and dh is a lot more communicative for some reason. I think I will need to talk to him but he always uses bits of the house that are not cleared up as an excuse for his "behaviour" and I don't feel at the moment that I have the strength for an argument. However I feel a lot more positive in general and maybe if I can meet him half-way (ie have a much more clutter free house) he will be more positive towards me. However I think he will always have a critical, complaining bad-tempered streak and maybe I will always have to live with that. Thanks again. Thanks also for your message FancyThat - it transpires that in class ds has been being taught to plan stories which he says he doesn't particularly like so maybe it was fun to write the homework story as we did.

When the house is immaculate, will he not then find something else to criticise though?

Your DH sounds disespectful of you Arabella2, and if you can live with that then that's your choice, but I would want him to change his attitude. I would be worried about it rubbing off on your DS.

Tell him to help with the homework next time .

Homestly, your DS would probably benefit from having more than one view on his homework - there is NO right answer when it comes to writing whatever the curriculum tells you! DH and I are the opposite though - I always planned for essays and so on, he never did.

Either of you telling your DS that there is a 'right' way is nonsense. There are different approaches and he needs to work out which is best for him.

(oh and your DH was being rude, but I think that is a separate issue. I have no problem with DH and I being rude to each other and would prob use similar language, but I doubt the DSs would be fazed by it)

(Though I would have responded with equally bizarre name-calling - neanderthal indeed! All those cavewomen writing What I Did On My Holidays with a bit of burnt stick)

Peoplewrite in different ways but you need to try things cuh as the method your H uses to find your own style.

H wasdefinitey being rude though and I would not have been happy.

We were discussing writing at Uni last night- I write in a 'neanderthal' way, better refereed to as evolutionary. It works for me,and I have an agreement that whilst I have to submit an essay plan,the tutor will not scream loudly if the essay does not follow it aslong as it gets OK marks (at themoment I am getting fine amrks). OTOH the dyslexic lecturer palns by drawing story boards and others use mind maps,formalplans- whatever works for you.

Give your son the chance toexplore different methods, soincluding the one your H suggested. But don'teverlet yopur H talk to you in that way again,disrespectfuland teaching your DS you arenot worthy ofrespect- a bad thing in the long run.

just read back your interim posts - you def should stand up to him. Sod not arguing in front of the kids (I can;t see why that's a major problem anyway). They should learn that communication doesn't work like that! And where have you got the idea that you are less intelligent??

you have to stand up for yourself in front of dc'sso they learn it is OK to do it themselves.

And to anextent you have to have non-nasty arguments in front ofkidsaswell,so ythey don't crumble the mimnute someone argues with them, or think a relationship os over as somepeopleseem todo.

My Dh ahs been known on occasion to be rude tome-he has MH issues. He never gets away with it, I just look him in the eyes and tellhim that if he is not happy with me he is free as an adult to go,and that whilst I would miss him dreadfully I would prefer that to being treated with no respect.

Tends to work.

You called his way of doing things "boring" and I don't see neanderthal as being a worse adjective than boring.
I don't see that he was disrespectful at the beginning. OK saying you were talking bollocks was a bit, but my husband and I will sometimes say that the other's way of doing something is crap or rubbish which is no worse than bollocks. It's usually light hearted banter though and I get the feeling that the words mean more to you because the mutual love and respect isn't there.
If my bloke moans about the state of the house I just tell him to tidy up, he doesn't because he knows what my response will be so he either goes for the vacuum cleaner/ tidies the piles of stuff up or says nothing and ignores the mess (as I am prone to do).