how to word it without sounding nasty

[ShanBrod]

We have had finally come to the decision that contact with my In Laws is just to heart breaking,disruptive and upsetting for our children.After our second christmas of being shafted by them and the ruining of my wedding i feel i need to tell them why we are cutting contact(atleast for the time being) as I emotionally can't keep seeing my family being hurt and my Hubby feeling that they don't care.My question is how can i word it to let them know we hope to rebuild the relationship with them maybe but atm we just can't.I don't want to be attacking(as thats how MIL is with me) but i also want to tell them we are not continuing this fake family anymore.Any tips on what to write and how to word it would be very helpful?

Shan

It is likely that you yourself come from a family where all this familial dysfunction has not happened.

It actually sounds like his Mum has some sort of untreated and or untreatable personality disorder. At the very least she is a very damaged women if she can verbally attack both you and your DH in such a manner. She would have acted the same though regardless of whom he married.

The air will never be clear here because she is unwilling and or unable to meet you even half way. She will never play nice either because these people cannot understand the "normal" rules of family behaviour. Toxic people never accept any responsibility for their actions and are always adept to blame others (i.e you) for their behaviours.

I think you are all better off not having such toxic people in your day to day lives and your children will thank you for it as well. Toxic parents as they were undoubtedly to your DH can easily become toxic grandparents. It is not an influence that these young people need or want.

You need to walk away from this toxic MIL completely.

Sorry Shan but "She blames me for absolutely everything and whenever i even try to have a rational conversation with her she just says im at fault for it all,you are keeping my son away(which he has told her im not) and she hopes im happy now to get them out of our lives."

By sending that email despite pages of us telling you not to, you have done exactly what she's accused you of doing all along.

This was your DH fight, not yours.

Perhaps if these people really are that toxic and cannot be allowed to have reasonable access to a regular family, then it's kind of OK, but otherwise, you seem to have waded in and severed a connection which was not yours to sever. I hope that doesn't come back to bite you on the bum

Wishing you luck and peace for the future in any event.