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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confidence crisis- not sure if I've done the right thing...

10 replies

mesobitchy · 25/01/2010 15:20

I'm feeling a bit jumbly, so I'm really sorry if this makes no sense.

I have been married to H for just over 3 years. We split in march last year ( at the grand old age of 2 years married!) because of many reasons; he was awful to me after DS was born, asked the midwife if she could just take me off the drip and give me some tablets to take home ( I'd had a 3rd degree tear) as he had " family coming up"
Refused to help me in any way- for some bizarre reason used to come home for his lunch and lock himself in the dining room, as he needed peace to eat I won't pretend to be perfect, I had pnd and was possibly hard to live with.

Anyway, eventually we split up ( my choice) I rented a house back in our home town ( he was in the forces) and things were just ambling along.

He then leaves the forces, and asks us to give it a second try. Wasn't sure so I suggested we just take it slowly.

Since then though we have had a few minor arguements, but on friday he suddenly turned on me, telling me I'm not fit to look after Ds as I am clearly insane, because I cry all the time ( I don't, have been a little bit tearful because DS wakes at 4.20 every morning and I'm a bit tired, but not excessivly crying)

I repeatedly asked him to leave ( we still live seperately) which he refused to do, carrying on with all the 'proof' he has of my mental instability.

This all ended with him standing outside my house shouting that he would not leave as DS was not "safe" with me.

Since then he has been round saying it was just a "silly arguement" and to forget it. I don't want to forget it, I'm furious with him, and don't want to have any relationship with him other than as my childrens' dad.

But I am feeling terrible, and don't know if I'm jumping the gun, and being over sensitive? I don't really have anyone to discuss this with. Hate talking to my mum about it, beacuse then it's there forever, if that makes sense? So all advice would be gratefully received!

I'm sorry it's so long.

OP posts:
Malificence · 25/01/2010 16:02

He sounds like a total headcase and you would be far better off without him around imho.
You need real life support, spelling things out to someone else will make you realise how awful he really is.

AnyFucker · 25/01/2010 16:07

you have done the right thing

nohing more to say really

please don't let him torture you any more

WhatNoLunchBreak · 25/01/2010 20:27

I completely agree with AnyFucker. You are not jumping the gun. You are not being over sensitive. Stay strong and stay away. And it might be a very good idea to tell your Mum.

mrsboogie · 25/01/2010 20:32

He sounds mental. I think he is projecting his sanity issues onto you, to be honest.

Tell your mum - it doesn't matter if its there forever - its not as if you are going to get back with him, is it?

TamartorousBeastie · 25/01/2010 20:34

Totally agree with AnyFucker.

You don't need to put up with that crap.

pollyblue · 25/01/2010 21:57

I think his behaviour on Friday proved you made the right decision when you originally split up.

He sounds a nightmare, and if he's trying to "prove" you're mentally unstable (what's he hoping to achieve there?) spiteful too.

Talk to your Mum or close friend for some support and find a good solicitor

PotPourri · 25/01/2010 22:09

Talk to your mum, you should not let this go away - it should be real and remembered forever by you. He is clearly the unstable one. You have done the right thing - keep yourself and DS safe, if needs be, move into your mums for a bit...

Get some legal advice maybe to know your rights, espec related to your DS and visitation rights etc.

HumphreyCobbler · 25/01/2010 22:09

You really shouldn't have to put up with that kind of shitty behavior. You have done the right thing.

triffictits · 25/01/2010 22:46

I think you should stick with your first decision and get rid of him for good.

You don't have to put up with that. He is unstable and unpredictable and that isn't a good environment for you and DS to be in. You will be better off without him I am sure.

mesobitchy · 26/01/2010 10:39

Thankyou everyone. Sorry I posted and ran, didn't realise how close to school run time I was!

I have now spoken about it to my mum, she mentioned that he sometimes made her feel a bit uncomfortable, and had noticed his tone was frequently accusing -not sure if that makes sense written down, but it was almost a relief to know that it wasn't my imagination, or me " looking for things that aren't there" (H)

It's horrible though because I feel so disloyal

Thankyou all again, I do appreciate your advice- and it's a fresh start for me and the DCs from here on.

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