It's all hit me now

[farmvilleaddict]

Broke up my relationship of 8 years last week and things were going great. I felt fine, glad to be out of the relationship, spring cleaning and feminising the apartment etc etc.

But the shit has hit the fan this week. I feel awful. Don't get me wrong, i dont' want him back, but i feel soooo low. Don't want to get out of bed, feeling quite nauseous a lot, look like crap, not interest in social life etc.

Also, im 2 months behind in my rent for Apartment. Ex is offering to help but i'm reluctant to take it.

It seems like everyone is falling over themselves to help ex and its making me feel like the "bad one" in all of this. Ex keeps texting me saying he wants to maintain a friendship. Thats fine, but i can't cope with him bombarding me with texts telling me how hard it is for him and how much he is finding it hard to cope. Its really hard for me too. He gets to go off and have his single life again and hand me £25 a week maintenance and take DS whenever he chooses.

I'm left in a shit load of debt and not enough money coming in to cover it all.

Sorry for the rant [and breathe].

Hey,farmville - I would say that kind of delayed reaction is totally natural (and even more understandable given your anxieties about money etc.)

I had a major bluesy period a good couple of months after breaking up an 11-year relationship - like you, didn't want it back (and in fact was euphorically in love with someone else) but after such a long time, it's a huge change and even if you wanted to end things, it's still a big emotional adjustment. Adrenalin carries you over the early days, then yes, the emotions suddenly get you when you're not expecting them.

Perhaps kindly say to your ex that you do want to stay friends and keep a good relationship with him (especially as you have a DC), but you need a bit of time and space to get your head together post-split and he would probably benefit from the same. Whether that will encourage him to be a bit less needy, who knows!

Good luck - it is a tough time, but stay strong and things will get easier.

Hiya, I can sympathise, been there, broke up with husband of 7 years a few years ago, was fine at first then a month or so in felt so low I literally had no energy, couldn't do anything, he too kept calling/texting saying how awful it was for him. I to felt like the bad one, not helped by my parents reinforcing this at every opportunity!managed to get through it then found out he had got himself a new girlfriend 3 wks after I left and it was all a bloody great sob story! It is hell, but it WILL pass, I'm now remarried and very happy, hang on in there and stick to your guns, you will be ok in the end. take carexx

I'm in exaclty the same place as you at the moment.

My H moved out of our family home last week, after 11 years together - the first few days were great, giddy even, but now the reailty of life alone (And friends reactions to you) is starting to hit home.

I actually thought I was having a major breakdown yesterday, I couldn't stop either crying or being sooo angry - it was really scarey.

I realised this morning that I hadn't taken my AD's for two days - I find that even more scarey that I have such an extreme reaction for being without chemicals for 48 hours.

All my freinds and family have said is, be kind to yourself, don't see the people who make you unhappy and concentrate on having fun with the DC. I have got a 6 1/2 DS, who is my pride and joy and I know over the last year I haven't been "Happy Mummy" so I am going to focus on seeing a close set of good good friends and be a happier Mummy.

I'm sure money worries make it all worse, but maybe take each day at a time and do small steps, and I'm sure things will start to get a little better.

And of course keep posting on here - people have been so kind to me, there are some lovely people in this world, we just need to find them.

Take care

I kept saying to mym mum last week that it was all feeling too easy and i was just waitin on it hitting me. She thought that maybe i'd mentally prepared myself for the breakup because i'd known it was coming for a loooooong time.

I'm hearing about people rallying round ex to lend a hand and be there for him. Unfortunately my family is very small and not always in a position to lend a hand, so maybe i'm a bit jealous??

Also, he was very keen to point out that his ex has been sniffing around him since she found out we'd split and she 'conveniently' also split at the weekend from her partner.

Why does he need to tell me this?

Hi farm, it's clearly a desperate attempt to make you jealous, the "my ex/the hot woman at work/the fit bird at the gym has asked me out" story. It's all designed to make you think "oh he's so desirable, woman are flocking to his door, oh my what have I done?". Don't fall for it, remember you broke up with him for reason just remind yourself why when you feel low.

I'm not jealous to be honest. I will stick by what i've said in that i wanted to leave him.

Its just really annoying me at the minute with him texting me about how hard it is for him etc etc. It's all "me,me,me" and i'm really resisting the urget to get angry with him and shout "what about me? iv been left with an 18mo and a shit load of debt while you swan on with your life!"

Please don't get me wrong, i do not begrudge my son one little bit, but i know that being a single parent is going to be far from easy.

I would also like to point out to him that no one thought about me whenever he didn't give a damn about our relationship and i was running around like a blue arsed fly trying to fix everyting, arrange counselling, beg for him to open up to me, wonder if he still loved me.

GRRRRR!!!

YOu know it's not him you want but you do seem to crave security. Yes, he'd offer it but it sounds like too high a price to pay.

Get over to Citizens Advice. Ask for a family support worker and sort out your debt, any benefits you can claim and work out what sort of proper maintenance (Child Support Agency told me 20% of his take home pay minimum) and access you need. You will probably feel a lot better once you start taking control of your life which is sorting out your money and your time. It is totally unfair on you and your DS that he takes him according to what he wants. Kids need routines for this sort of stuff and you need to have your life back.

Look, have a big weep over a coffee and choc biscuit then get it sorted. Move on by moving on - there is help for lone parents out there. No it is not easy. It is bloody hard but realising that you can be in charge of your own life and he doesn't get to call all the shots is a good feeling. As for unhelpful comments, let them wash over you. This is about you, your DS and your future. If your GP is OK, maybe you could see about getting a short course of counselling - talking it through with someone who won't judge you and doesn't know you might give you the energy to get through this.

Good luck

Thank you all so much for your replies. I've read each one now a few times and i'm so grateful for your kind words and advice.

I think i'm going to have a word about a set number of days per week that he needs to be taking DS so as to create a structured routine etc and not as and when he pleases.

I've been told i am entitled to housing benefit, extra tax credits and help with childcare now that i'm single. I know this will be a huge help in the long run.

I am going to have to remain strong and remember that no matter what i'm going thru now, it will pass and it WILL get better, but if it had have stayed with him it would have NEVER gotten better.

Thank you all once again xxx