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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Rubbish relationship with parents - bit of a moan

3 replies

BirdyBedtime · 25/01/2010 08:32

I need to have a vent of how I feel about my parents and can't really talk to anyone IRL about it (most of my friends have good relationships with theirs and I feel like a bitch when I have talked to them about this in the past, DH's mum died a few years ago and his dad has real problems, so can't offload on him etc). We've never been close although their parenting wasn't neglectful or anything. I left home over 15 years ago to go to University and apart from the odd stay with them for a few months years ago between jobs etc that has been me. We now live about 3 hours away from them and so all visits are for weekends (although since DC2 came along they don't actually stay with us). I dread them coming as they expect an itinery and basically for us to entertain them all weekend. It is getting harder as with a very active 4 year old and a toddler what we would normally do at the weekend (long walks, soft play, playpark) are all out as my dad won't walk for more than about 5 minutes (despite still working and lugging about huge boxes of stock etc much of the week). It ends up with us stuck in the house all weekend drinking endless cups of coffee, DD gets cabin fever and ends up being cheeky/naughty, I get more and more p*ed off (find dad very irritating eg with tales of relatives I wouldn't know if I fell over them in the street) and fall out with DH etc etc. I don't really have any common converstaion points apart from DCs so end up almost communicating solely through/about them. I got really annoyed this weekend when we were talking about how we will really struggle when DD goes to school regarding childcare, and my dad just laughted. They don't ever offer to take DCs away (as said a walk is out, mum can't do the car seat straps due to arthritis and the only place they'd take them would be to a coffee shop where DD would eat cake, end up hyper and naughty - like above). I feel guilty as they do offer for us to go out for a few hours in the evening and do love the DCs, although they find DD difficult as she is very outgoing and they are of the 'seen but not heard' school of thought. Also, they are spending money ona B&B to come. TBH it's definitly more my dad than my mum but one time when we really fell out I told my mum how I felt, that they were hard work when they visited, but she just was hurt by it and said they weren't. I hate the fact that basically every 2 months I spend a week dreading them coming, a rubbish weekend, and a week trying to get back into a good mood afterwards. I can only see it getting worse as they get older and don't know what to do to try and make things better. I am sure I can't be the only person who feels like this so please share!

OP posts:
StirlingSmilesNever · 25/01/2010 08:42

Please dont feel like you should alter your weekend plans - I wouldn't!

Surely they wont be deeply upset if you still take your dc out for a walk/play in the park, regardless of whether they want to come with you or not??

I have just had my sister and her family stay for the weekend and I dread that because they dont like going out walking and we do - It is a great way to get the dc out in the fresh air and it kills a couple of hours.

I just tell them we are all going out and that is what happens. We used to just sit in the house with them but then I thought "this is my house and my weekend so we will do what we normally do" - it works!

Dont get stressed just get out whether they want to join you or not

diddl · 25/01/2010 08:46

Carry on as normal & they join in or not.

Mumcentreplus · 25/01/2010 09:07

Why worry? you fret far too much lady!...do what you normally do @ weekends leave dad at home watching t.v or some such and I think its cool he wants to talk might be boring but hey such is life sometimes..let them take the children to a cafe and get some fruit or a smoothie if they choose not to and get a cake then they have been warned!..they offer to take them out take advantage!...they take time to visit...yes it can suck, parents can be irritating but whos isnt?..lol..my mum likes to micro manage (apart from other things)and it drives me crazy...but I dont have to live with the woman anymore so I just keep thinking that till its over

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