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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

evil ex tried to con me into marrage and is illegal in the uk help what do i do

38 replies

kurves · 24/01/2010 09:43

This is really complicated but i need some support that i have done the right. A couple months ago i dated a guy that i knew from way back this was in august it was great then i noticed after a week in he was telling me that he loved me . i had been in a abusive relationship before and read in a book that i was given about abuse that this was one of the signs when they come on really strong . I mean he was nice to the kids wouls make me breakfast in bed everything give me the affection i needed i thought this is great i am so happy he was so considerate and we had a really great sex life . then he said to me one day that he wanted to spend the rest of his life wit me. i thought shit. then he said he wanted to get married then i found out that he was a illegal imagrant and a overt stayer in the uk.i took action.
i tried to use my brain on him to work him out i said to him that i would marry him but in 3 years time then i would have got to know him better and we would have built a foundation that would be crucial for a successful marriage. then i found a letter that said that he was 27 years old had been in the country for 6 years and was to hand himself over to immigration for deportation.
when i bought this to his attention the guy slowly started to distance him self from me with holds sex and got really rude hanging up phone on me and putting me down. Now he was not5 working so at the time i would give him food helped him fix his car and made sure he was ok but as soon as i found out his status i told him that he needs to get a lawyer to sort himself out but i will not be marrying him as i worked out what he was doing.he dumped me . then he would call me and say i am so broke i got no money my car needs insuring. i ignored him and kept telling him that i was busy . then i got a call from him saying that he had arrested by the border force and that he had to sign on at the police station i and that he is going to pay some one to marry him and sort himself out as he has no intention of going back to his country . he has started to befriend his other children's mum who he mentally tore to shreds and play the good father so that he can get his papers. i do not understand why he is telling me this i realise that he just wants to drive me crazy so much more has been done to me by this guy he said that he does not want me as he is moving on to bigger and better things i thought we are not together. i really think his mad but i feel so stupid to allow a germ like this into my life to try and do me over.he wants to pay some one to marry him which is totally wrong what do i do . do i tell the uk border force which i do not even no how to do or do i just forget him its just that this guy as been abusing both his kids mum and me and i feel that he needs to be chucked out the country . i am so angry at the moment been i tears help what do i do.the next thing is that his children's mum one of them he has been beating up . i said to him that you tried to use me he said that he is not like that no one will believe me as everyone knows that he is a nice person. i said the classic talk of a abuser. please give me some advise as right now i just want this disgusting piece of rubbish gone. sorry about the long post .

OP posts:
JaneS · 24/01/2010 20:19

I see, thanks. Makes good sense I guess. I'm just paranoid because I know how much harder it's getting to get a visa - the Home Office can be a right pain. But still, clearly in OP's case, she's been lucky.

kurves · 24/01/2010 20:23

His visa has run out the guy it seems to be doomed he is from a really bad part of Jamaica that is poverty stricken but serves him right for being such a user and evil shit
the worst part is i told him that i had not been in a serouse relationship because i had been abused and i did want to get hurt my son was worried when i started to date as he did not want me to get hurt again and all along he this guy saw that i was vunarable and took advantage.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/01/2010 20:27

'i did want to get hurt my son was worried when i started to date as he did not want me to get hurt again and all along he this guy saw that i was vunarable and took advantage.'

PLEASE, for both yourself and your child, consider taking a break from dating/relationships for a while.

and tell the police where this guy is hiding.

kurves · 24/01/2010 20:43

i do not know where he lives but as i said he has been told to sign on at the station on mondays so i guess its down to them now its out of my hands i just have to move on and thank god.

OP posts:
Bumbleconfusus · 24/01/2010 21:00

By in by, I've read in a fair few places (various immigration forums) that Jamaica has the lowest settlement visa success rate, so really, he has virtually no chance.

And you don't need to be in the country legally to get a coa:

'Applications from those individuals who do not have valid leave to enter or remain (illegal entrants, persons who have been refused leave to enter, but granted temporary admission or temporary admission pending the outcome of an application for leave to enter, and those who have overstayed their leave to remain) who have until now been refused unless there are exceptional compassionate circumstances for granting a certificate of approval will be treated in line with the current guidance for those who have limited, but insufficient, leave to qualify for a COA. This is the guidance set out at 3.3 above. Where a person without leave to remain applies for a certificate of approval the Home Office will (as in all cases where we discover a person present illegally) consider whether or not enforcement action should be initiated, in addition to considering the application for the certificate of approval.'

www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/documents/visitingtheuk/coaguidance.pdf

SolidGoldBrass · 25/01/2010 00:43

OP, remember that it's much better to be single than to be in a rubbish relationship. ou've got good self-protecting instincts - you didn't agree to marry this knobber, you haven't given him your life savings, you didn't let him impregnate you, you spotted he was a knobber and binned him. Be proud of yourself for that. If he plagues you, report him for harassment as well as dodgy immigration status, they will hopefully soon throw his miserable arse on a plane and you won't have to worry about him ever again.

kurves · 25/01/2010 07:54

bumblefuss does that mean that he can marry a eu and get status in this country even though he has been told to leave because he is a over stayer. even if he does get to stay here people like him always end up getting what they deserve in the end as for me he is history and i have been lucky what ever the case it must be hell being the kind of person that he is . Time has a way of dealing with things.

OP posts:
kurves · 25/01/2010 16:14

I turned my phone off last night and when i woke up i saw several miss calls from him so what i did was get a new chip and i put the other one in the rubbish my home number has been changed so now he has no contact and the email has been blocked so i feel so good now and hopefully that will be the end of that i will never know if he gets deported as i do not move in his circle but i thank god that i had you guys to support me in my time of distress and i can move on i really mean it you guys have been really good as i feel embarrassed to share this with my friends and family.

OP posts:
nighbynight · 25/01/2010 17:13

Be proud that you didn't get sucked back into his messy life!

kurves · 25/01/2010 17:32

Thank you.

OP posts:
Bumbleconfusus · 25/01/2010 18:15

it means he can get married but in no way does that mean he will get a visa. I think so far solidgoldbrass has given the bestest (I kno its not a word) advice :D

expatinscotland · 25/01/2010 20:13

he won't be able to stay here.

and i've written this about a thousand times on MN over the course of the years: better to walk alone than badly accommpanied.

kurves · 26/01/2010 10:29

yep i know that is right at least i know i can pick up the pecies and move on he is just stuck in a rut and has no one to blame but himself.

OP posts:
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