Husband not dealing with things

[fernie3]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years we have 3 children and I am pregnant with our 4th. My husband has suffered with depression and anxiety for the last year or so which seemed to come out of the blue after her went into hospital for a minor hernia operation but ended up with a bad infection afterwards.

He seem to be getting much better over the last few months and so I assumed it was a case of mind heaing with body so to speak. We had been planning to have one more baby before all this happened so we decided to go for it. I got pregnant the first month we tried which Iwas thrilled about but when I told my husband he was dismissive and said he was at his limit now - which is odd because he was pushing to try for another as much as I was before hand.

I am now 12 weeks pregnant and his behaviour has become increasingly difficult to understand he is short tempered, he doesnt want to spend time with me, he has very little interest in the baby, he doesnt sleep and seems hyperactive int he evenings and yet he has very little concentration.

He wont talk about it and he wont see a doctor - he is not on any medication or anything so I dont know if he needs this or not. He is no longer the same loving person he was this time last year - he doesnt seem to care about people other than himself, his attitude to things like sex has changed he still wants sex but in a wierdly detached way - no love shown at all. This has only been since I got pregnant - pregnant sex was not a probelm the last three times I was pregnanct so i dont think the pregnancy itself has changed this. I dont really know how to describe how things are but they are just -- wrong.

He still works (although he did have time off sick last year for depression) and he still manages day to day,most people have not noticed too much of a change because its all in the house no for the outside world.

I dont really know what to do I have been with him since we were 16 I have grown up with him and now it feels like he is changing before my eyes into someone else.
Today i found myself looking into how I would survive financially if he left because I have been a SAHM for 6 years now,Ihave nothing of my own and I am terrified I will end up homeless with 4 children.I have never had to claim benefits and I have no idea how it works whether I would even have enough to pay rent, buy food etc I have no one else in the world to rely and apart from my husband as my family are mostly dead, the ones that are not are far away and not that close, they would be of very limited help to me!

does anyone have any suggestions how I can stop this all falling apart totally?

Oh this all sounds so familiar. In my case, I knew the cause of DH's depression and thankfully it was something we could resolve and things are back on track. But it took about 2 years start to finish. Luckily he was prepared to talk with me about it and see our GP, but it was still a worrying time.

Sadly, I don't know what to suggest for you unless you although it might be worth you seeing your GP to discuss your situation as he/she might be able to offer advice.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone. x

You need to talk to him and get him to seek help. It doesn't have to mean loads of drugs and councelling.

For my DH it is some mild medication and we have seen a specialist once. The meeting was so reassuring, he gave us some practical changes to make which are helping DH to get better. Mainly revolving around his sleep and how to get back a good sleep habit.

The not sleeping is a classic sign of stress and anxiety. But the GP should be able to help him quite quickly with it.

In the mean time please try to be patient but also look after yourself. You will need your strength for your baby and the DC.

hi

thanks for the replies. We saw a gp when this all first started who gave him medication (citalopram). After only 2 weeks my husband decided he didnt want them so stopped taking them. He then went back to the doctor and told him he was feeling much better. I went with him and he accused me of lying when I tried to tell the doctor that he was still acting strangely (which was a little embarrassing).

Th most difficult thing now is getting him to see that there is a problem, he seems to think he is acting normally but he is really not. He is not acting totally crazy BUT he is not acting normally either!.

is your dh aware of his behaviour?

Do you think he wants to change?

if things got so bad that he was off work for depression, did he not discuss it with his doctor?

Go and see the GP yourself and express your concerns - there is not that much s/he can do if your H refuses to take his meds but s/he can at least note it down. And tell your health care team (midwife etc) that your H is depressed when they ask.
Your H may be in the grip of a mental health problem, or he may be being a selfish arsehole, but if his behaviour is making you uneasy, particularly if you don't have family support, you need to get support. You need people outside the family to be aware there is a potential problem.