Husband gone off sex now 7 months pregnant

[dippywhentired]

DH and I have been having fairly good sex up until the last couple of weeks, but now that my bump is getting pretty big, he seems more reluctant. I tackled him about it a few days ago and said I feel like he doesn't find me attractive now and avoids touching the bump at all costs when having sex. He said he does find me sexy but it is 'different' now with a big bump in the way. I know he was just saying he still finds me sexy to try and make me feel better as sexy should mean wanting more sex, surely? It doesn't help that I am feeling like a blob so would like him to be more affectionate to reassure me. Since the talk we haven't done anything at all and am worried we won't until after the birth (DC2). Is anyone else's DP put off by the bump?

It might be that he's worried about damaging the baby in some way - or just feeling weird about the thought of a small person inside you while doing the business - pretty natural reactions, I guess and probably doesn't reflect on your sexiness at all.

Have you tried to find out exactly what his reluctance is about? It might help him to sort out his feelings and free up his mojo. Ask him "different, how?" - but do it in a spirit of helpfulness so he doesn't feel under pressure.

You could also try initiating things yourself to break down his resistance - perhaps focus on other areas of your body instead of the bump (your bigger boobs, for example - if they're not feeling too tender to be touched!!)

And try and do what you can not to feel like a blob - the earth mother thing can be pretty sexy, but you need to project that!! Have you got any sexy underwear that still fits? Thought about getting some pretty stuff to accommodate the bigger you to help both of you feel more in the mood?

Hope this helps!!

Had the same problem with my DH but I was about 5 months. He said he didn't want to harm the baby . At the time I was but it hasn't affected our love life at all. I just think my DH didn't find the pregnancy very sexy but all is good now so try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and take care of yourself.

Once you get to about 6-7 months 'normal' sex gopes out the window thouhg, the bump, and cramps, and teinges mean that you need to be inventive to be comfortable.
I think you need ot find otu what the main problem is, is he worried about hurting the baby or you? once you have told him he is an idiot then you need to think abotu new positions....

Thanks - he said he is worried about hurting the baby (even though he knows that it's not going to really), but also I think the main problem is the feeling that there's a third person there. Have tried other positions so bump not in the way and he said he still enjoys it, just not in a 'got to have you right now' kind of way. If that's not TMI!
Can just about squeeze into some sexy underwear, so will give that a go. Think I am just feeling a bit hormonal at the moment and am not one of the women who really enjoy being pregnant. Am sure I felt like this with DC1 too, just forgotten about it! Also, he is away a lot on courses at the moment and in my insecure state, the mere fact that there will be other women without enormous bumps there, makes me feel worse.

Yes my DH has been like this right from the start. I think we've had sex about 3 times for the whole pregnancy. I have explained that the lack of interest makes me feel unattractive but he just thinks it wouldn't feel right and isn't up for it. I am now about 29 weeks, so not really interested myself tbh.

Glad it's not just us then! Makes me feel better about it. It's not so much the sex itself to be honest, but the feeling of closeness that I want. He's not very good at just kissing, cuddles, etc as think he thinks I'll see that as leading onto sex.

This happened to me too, but right at the end of my pregnancy. It didn't help that the preg hormones made my sex drive increase like crazy, while his in turn dropped away.

I don't have much advice, but I do know how upsetting it can be. Your hormones are whizzing about, you feel big and tired and just want some love, and your DP is doing everything you don't want; pulling away!
I think your best bet here would be to just explain to him you need some affection, even if he isn't comfortable with sex. That might just be cuddling up on the sofa with all your clothes on and having a smooch: if it makes you feel special and loved, then that's the main thing. You might have to attend to things yourself sexually for a bit, and keep reminding yourself that he loves you and does desire you: it's just the bump that is coming between you, literally and metaphorically

Hope you manage to have another chat about it and clear the air.

My DH was just the same (but from earlier) with both pregnancies! It is frustrating but he was keener than ever after I had given birth (and after stitches were healed I hasten to add!)

Just to add my voice to the others - my dh went off sex from about 5 months. I was devastated and thought he didn't fancy me etc. He assured me it wasn't that, it was the thought of, to quote him, "putting my penis that close to my baby"

I accepted his feelings but it was hard to deal with for me. Like yours, he isn't that good at normal hugs and kisses especially when he's trying to avoid sex!

After the birth we didn't do much for about 6 months more! A lot of that was down to me.

Anyway, the good news is that everything is completely back to normal now. And it will be for you too in the end

Agreed with the others, OP. My DP just felt 'weird' for much of my first pregnancy, though his drive meant that we did eventually find a position that was okay occasionally (hope that's not TMI!) I think it really was just the idea of there being another person around, which was only exaccerbated by my DS fidgeting all the time in the bump. If his hands strayed there it really kiled his buzz. What we did do a lot was lie (nude) next to each other, in a cuddle with his hands on my bump so that he got to feel the baby move. It was non-erotic, but very close and comforting. Mayve if you suggested something like that? I'm sure he would agree that waiting for the baby to move time isn't going to move on to anything he's awkward about.

And as others have said, it's just the bump getting in the way. Once it's gone and you've healed up, you'll be finding all sorts of excuses again.

We have had sex about 3 times since I got pregnant. I found this upsetting initially and things got a bit frosty between us. Then I just accepted it. He finds it wierd - theres another person about, stupid worries about poking the baby, and (I suspect) that while he finds the pregnant me beautiful he does not really find the bump sexy. I was angry about it initially but then thought about it with genders reversed: what would you say to a female friend whose partner was pressuring her to have sex when she didnt want to?

Things have gotten better since I stopped trying for sex. Its let him relax and be affectionate without worrying I will misinterpret. So we are close, cuddly and happy. he also spends time cuddling bump and feeling the baby kick in the mornings when I am still asleep and seems to love this time when its just them.

I have been 'taking care' of myself sexually and making sure I feel attractive taking caare of skin, hair, clothes etc. I am nearly due now and just a few nights ago we were laughing companionably about looking forward to sex again one fine day and swapping notes on how we have been coping without. I hope things do go back to having a sexual relationship soonish. I worry that otherwise we become just friends. but am feeling ok about it in general

I hope this helps a bit. I guess in my experiece its not so much the lack of sex thats the problem but how you handle that together. And its is something difficult to handle because you are being rejected or you are wanting different things.

When I was pregnant with ds we only had sex once during the pregnancy. This time we haven't had sex at all.

I feel sick, fat and unattractive and can't bring myself to even think about sex when I am feeling like this. Dh just worries that it will harm the baby or bring the labour on. Both pregnancies have been quite stressful so sex really isn't on the agenda for either of us.

We Gave up after about 3-4 months, I couldn't face it. Too uncomfortable and I felt DD shift everytime he tried to.

Doesn't mean he loves you any less though, if everything has been fine until now there is no need to worry, certain it will all be back to norm after babs is born.

Well, I think I have the opposite problem, strangely! Our sex life was fantastic between about 8 and 30 weeks. DP couldn't keep his hands off me (still can't but just don't get anywhere with it!) and sex itself was really great - maybe the best we've had!

Now, I'm 38+2 and just too big to do anything; I can hardly get off the sofa never mind anything else.
DP still seems to find me attractive and I think if we could, he def. would.

Hence, I'm actually thinking that, worries about labour aside, I can't wait to get this baby out so we can get back to having sex!!

don't worry too much, completely normal, and understandable really.
But not much help when pregnancy hormones are racing!