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Original poster

how to ask him out?

22 replies

setmefreenow · 23/01/2010 00:19

I work in an office and lately a colleague has waited for me to get lunch and been very friendly etc...question is where does friendly end and asking out begin..don't want to spoil a friendship but keen to ask him out...help please

OP posts:
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 23/01/2010 00:24

Just ask him if he wants to go for a drink, don't say you fancy the pants off him, take it slow, get to know him first.

nickschick · 23/01/2010 00:32

Just say we seem to spend a lot of lunchtimes together do you fancy spending an evening with me?.....

fortyplus · 23/01/2010 00:37

Not nearly subtle enough! Start talking about an upcoming film you really want to go to see but the girl friend you wanted to go with you is busy that evening...

jazzygirl · 23/01/2010 00:39

Or just be a coward and wait for him to ask you!

Original poster
setmefreenow · 23/01/2010 00:43

subtle is good ~i feel ok saying things like we get along well and our office has a good atmosphere etc

OP posts:
nickschick · 23/01/2010 10:43

Asking him if he wants to do something in the evening,for a change is ok- I think then you can take it from him what sort of time youll have as in what things he might suggest you do.

notevenamousie · 23/01/2010 10:47

Oh just ask him - maybe say, I am planning to go to ___ anyway, would you like to come with me? Or say, I love cooking for friends, have you plans tonight, and seduce him that way - works best if you honestly cook for female frinds though!

Original poster
setmefreenow · 23/01/2010 11:09

lol @ notevenamousie

also...do you think if he is very attentive and sort of gets in touch a lot during the day it is a sign of interest...because he's actually a really nice person and is nice with everyone so a bit difficult to tell....but the other occasions in my life i've had this level of interest it has usually turned out to be a special interest in me but still not sure...

OP posts:
Original poster
setmefreenow · 23/01/2010 17:04

have been thinking and actually think this is just a work friendship albeit quite a nice one...

OP posts:
triffictits · 23/01/2010 17:47

work relationships can be quite dodgy imo unless you are sure it can work out.

Even when its good its difficult to separate work/home and things get complicated.

And if nothing comes of it and relationship does end it can be awful having to work with them.

I always had a rule about never ever going out with anyone at work.

thesteelfairy · 23/01/2010 20:04

Don't. Wait for him to ask you .

I know its old fashioned but if he doesn't ask then "he's just not that into you" and the awkward refusal is to be avoided at all costs.

I speak as someone with an extensive relationship track record and during that I have seen me doing the asking has never worked out for the good.

RockinD · 29/01/2012 16:59

thesteelfairy is right.

You have to wait for him to ask you.

If you ask him he may accept because he is too embarrassed to turn you down, or because he thinks he might get a shag or for all sorts of reasons.

If he asks you, it's because he wants to.

End of.

D

passionsrunhigh · 29/01/2012 22:13

what's his body language like? and how long have you been going to lunch together for?

ImperialBlether · 29/01/2012 22:18

I agree with the steelfairy.

If he wants to go out with you, he will ask you out. If he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't want to go out with you.

Don't go thinking up reasons why he hasn't asked you, ie he's shy etc. Shy men ask women out. Shy men get married.

If he doesn't ask you, it's because he doesn't want to.

DON'T DO IT!

mojitomania · 29/01/2012 23:24

He's just beeing a friendly colleague.

Ask him out and feel like a twat or just wait and see.

Taghain · 30/01/2012 17:02

steelfairy is wrong.
He may be summoning up his courage, but asking someone out is a big step for either sex. If you want something to happen, just ask him for a coffee aftr work.

izzyisin · 30/01/2012 17:17

If you happen to be leaving the office at the same time after a busy day, just say something like 'jeez, I could murder a drink - do you fancy going for a pint?

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername · 30/01/2012 18:13

Not nearly subtle enough! Start talking about an upcoming film you really want to go to see but the girl friend you wanted to go with you is busy that evening...

FortyPlus' advice is good. He could actually be really shy and lacking in self-confidence when he thinks of the opposite sex being potential partners.

Give him something to latch on to that is a-bit-like-a-date-but-not-necessarily-a-date

GoingForGoalWeight · 30/01/2012 22:30

I wouldn't date a work colleague :) Good luck though i do hope it works out how you want it to.

Step · 31/01/2012 09:25
  1. Being subtle..... he's a bloke right? It doesn't work.
  2. Just ask him to the cinema or something.....
ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 31/01/2012 09:42

I can't believe people are saying don't ask him out - what is this the 1900's?

Just suggest grabbing a drink after work, or going to see a film you really want to see. (but as said above DON'T say you really fancy the pants off him) If he turns you down you can shrug it off as a mates thing and just carry on as normal, if he accepts and you have a sprak then that's great.

Stick to the normal rules of dating, don't sleep with him on the first date, go somewhere public, don't go to his, or invite him to your house, and just relax and enjoy yourself and see what happens.

I've dated people I work with in the past (and 10 years later have a gorgeous DD with someone I dated at work)

And those that ended always ended well, and there was never any grief in the office afterwards.

MAYBELATERNOWIMBUSY · 03/02/2012 23:53

pick a day (in advance >perhaps obviously !) and ask if he would like 2 join u on a long countryside type walk >if he agrees,make sarnies

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