pregant and don't want to tell dh

[hairyclaireyfairy]

First time posting on this topic,not even sure whether here is the right place?

Background, been with dh 15 years married 9, two dc, eldest has severe autism.

Had three mc in the last three years, all planned pregnancies all lost between 8-11 weeks.

Did a pregnancy test on tues, because of sickness and got a bfp, completely not planned this time.

Dh and I going through a rocky patch at the momentand we are not doing much talking apart from stuff to do with dc.

For some reason I just don't want to tell him about the pregnancy, seeems safer somehow just me knowing iyswim?

We are in the middle of having tests for recurrent mc atm ,so I really need to talk to someone about this in case problems have been identified in the tests already taken.

Please help me get my head out of the sand.

so don't tell him yet. What's the harm? Keep it to yourself for a while.

I think you need to talk to your medical advisers and then when you know whats what you can tell dh. No point telling him now and you both instantly worrying it's going to go wrong. You'll just have a huge fight in those circumstances. BUT - if everything is looking good you need to tell him asap. It's his baby too and if you keep it a secret for long he will wonder why and be hurt.

Do you think you are maybe putting this pregnancy 'in a box' to cushion the blow just in-case it sadly ends with a mc?

I ask this because, I suffered recurrent mc and felt like this- that somehow it wouldn't be so real or so sad if no-one new.

I think at this stage you should do whatever you need to for now. But bear in mind that DH may be hurt if he finds you have kept this from him, and he cannot support you emotionally if he doesn't know.

Completely understand. Is it because you 'd like to be better 'friends' again before telling him so it will be a happy meomory and reaction rather than a horrible one.
I didn't tell until I'd missed three periods and I only told him because I thought I'd better before he (or anyone else noticed)
Was dreading it because we weren't getting, so waiting worked for me at that time.

Thanks everyone,I don't even know myself why I am not telling him but subconciously perhaps I am putting the pregnancy in a box, no-one knows so it is'nt happening.
Daft I know

Not daft at all. mamas' point is a good one also.

You have both been through a lot, you can take your time, there is no rush.

It took me three weeks (and many many tests) to tell DP about DS, he understood.