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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Something wierd is going on. What do you reckon?

27 replies

PassTheRedBull · 22/01/2010 10:20

Apologise for the name change.

Since christmas, DP has been acting in the following way:

Overly protective, won't let me walk down to the shop or take DS to cubs on my own.

Needs the car for work, even though it ends up just sitting in the car park all day when I could be using it to get from a - b

Protective over his own phone. Keeps it on silent, takes it everywhere with him and when I nosied on it, has deleted all texts. There was however, the call history which shows a number of calls to "unknown number" being made at times when I wouldn't be around.

His internet history told me he'd been on dating sites. In the history was also specific searches he'd done and profiles he'd looked at. When challanged, he said he was searching it to make sure I hadn't joined up!!??

Last night, my phone buzzed to say I had a text. I couldn't find it though so just said "I'll get it later" (knowing it was probably a text from DS upstairs saying goodnight ). Anyway he insisted I search for it ... then accussed me of being secretive and said I was obviously up to something

He's distant, just sits there in a mood all night saying he's "tired".

This one is a wierd one ... a letter came for him with a bill for national insurance contributions with a note on the bottom saying "if you are no longer self employed ... " etc!! since when HAS he been self employed?? as far as I knew, he worked for Tesco!!

The letter has since dissapeared and he insists it was just an annual NI info letter

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 22/01/2010 10:24

I have no practical advice to give other than to say this all sounds very very odd.

I do think you need to sit down and have a very long chat with him.

How long have you been married? Has anything like this ever happened before?

morningpaper · 22/01/2010 10:26

The NI bills are sent once you register as self-employed

GypsyMoth · 22/01/2010 10:27

yep,somethings up.....but cant work out why he's escorting you everywhere???

verytellytubby · 22/01/2010 10:28

Rather than an affair, could have have lost his job???? My friend's DH did and he couldn't tell her for ages (went into some sort of depression). I could be completely off base though.

Hope you get some answers soon.

GypsyMoth · 22/01/2010 10:28

does he have children with anyone else?? was thinking maybe he#s trying to appear self employed to somehow avoid csa?? clutching at straws there ..

PassTheRedBull · 22/01/2010 10:32

But he works for tesco ... he goes everymorning in their uniform and on the days that I have popped in, he has been working there (albiet the last time I went in was before christmas).

I sometimes pick him up from work. He must still be working there.

I just don't understand the rest of it though. He did panick when I suggested I try and get a job there too ... he was like "no! that wouldn't work!" etc

Ok, so he genuinly might not want us working together, which I can understand but the rest of it doesn't add up.

OP posts:
sb6699 · 22/01/2010 11:12

Even if he registered as self-employed years ago, if he hasnt told them is now employed they will keep sending this letter.

The other stuff would worry me more.

It sounds as if he doesnt want you going anywhere on your own (using the car when you could have it, not letting you take ds to cubs on your own, insisting on checking your texts).

What is his reaction if you do try and go somewhere?

dignified · 22/01/2010 11:16

The phone on silent glued to him doesnt sound good and the dating profiles definateley dont.Someone who is having an affair often accuses you of doing the same as they are aware their being deceitfull and start to worry that you are too..
Is it possible he is seeing someone local and doesnt want to risk you bumping into someone who knows?

I wouldnt say anything just yet until you get some hard evidence as they start to cover their tracks better, deleting internet history and texts ect.
Perhaps make a note of these numbers so you can call them if this continues. Id seriously consider installing a keylogger so you can see exactly what hes doing re the dating sites.
And before anyone says you shouldnt snoop, if your h is arsing around on internet dating sites you have a right to know and be assured he wont tell you.
And bollocks to him having the car all day too, it doesnt make sense for it to sit on the car park all day when you need it, offer to drop him off, he might be using it to " pop out " on his lunches.
Is there anything else op, has he bought new clothes,. improvements in his personal hygeine, nights out or anything?
The moodines doesnt sound good, i hope theres another explanation for all this op.

AngryFromManchester · 22/01/2010 11:16

Has he got time to have an affair? I work in retail and I wouldn't have time!

feelhorrid · 22/01/2010 11:20

It is a very sophisticated form of gaslighting to pretend he thinks you are having an affair. It means that you feel even more stupid to think he is.

Although - I would not jump to that conclusion just yet. He needs to talk to you about it all. On the other hand a cynical person (like me) might recommend that you search and search phones, computers pockets etc before confronting him.

I hope I am wrong.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/01/2010 11:37

'Scuse me, may I ask if you've posted before about DP not wanting you to get a job in the same supermarket? because THAT was the same poster who was looking for a job as a preliminary to leaving him. That would put a whole different complexion on the situation.

verytellytubby · 22/01/2010 12:12

Are you the same OP that's worried he's taken out a loan and lying to you?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 22/01/2010 12:12

And that poster's husband's excuse for not wanting her to join him in the supermarket was because she would 'see him talking to another woman and jump to conclusions', right?

I don't want to out you, OP, and indeed have no idea what your 'usual' posting name is, but the background would be helpful here, I think?

AnyFucker · 22/01/2010 18:42

where has Op gone ?

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 21:17

Popped down to Tesco's perhaps?

AnyFucker · 22/01/2010 21:38

busted, I would say

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 22:36
Grin
RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 22/01/2010 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 22/01/2010 22:52

where did they say so ?

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 22/01/2010 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 22/01/2010 22:55

a-haaaaaaa

do you think they will share it with the rest of us ??

mrsboogie · 22/01/2010 23:01

what? another one?

jeez.

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 23:02

ooh, clever girls... i've got flu, so my troll--nose is out of action

Anniegetyourgun · 22/01/2010 23:50

I spotted this one all by myself awards self gold star

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 23:55

well done annie, here, have a , they were on special at tesco's.