My manic mum

[Dolanette]

Hi everyone.
I'm new to this forum. I needed somewhere to seek advice re my relationship with my mother. I am 32 and have 3 children, 5, 2, and 5 months. My relationship has deteriorated with my own mother in recent times. She didn't attend my LOs christening and now isn't going to celebrate with us my other LO's 5th birthday. She was invited to both. She has been very nasty to me recently. She has been under stressful situations herself recently and i have helped her out but whatever i do is thrown in my face. She has manic depression and wants me to go see her psychiatrist with her. I have said no as she won't make an effort with my kids. Since the christening she has attended a family wedding. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any advice? Do you think i should see her doc with her? She is so nasty/negative. She blames her illness for this but I think she knows well what she is doing. I have been contemplating cutting all links with her? She implies i am responsible for her mental health. What you think? it's difficult situation, i don't know what to do
Tia, D

You are NOT responsible for your Mum's mental health.

You cannot save or rescue someone (even your own Mother) who ultimately does not want to be saved.

I would also look at the most recent Stately Homes thread on these pages as the ladies on there could perhaps give you some good counsel as well.

You certainly are NOT responsible for her mental health. Good god.

You could go to see her psych with her? Try and understand how hard it is for your mum to handle everything, get a psych's perspective on her manic depression, that kind of thing.

Cutting ties is really hard - I know because I did it with mine. I look on it as a kind of battlefield surgery - bloody and messy but essentially life-saving. It makes for complicated situations with other family members, that I do know. Definitely a last resort for when you run out of other options.

Maybe if you see the psych with your mum s/he can help you get your mother/daughter relationship in some kind of shape, and then you can work on her grandmotherliness after that?

Hope it works out for you.

All the best RCB