I'm getting stressed about friend's view of this relationship

[electra]

I've been seeing someone new for about a month. To me he seems like someone who has a way with women. Since I've started seeing him he said he feels differently about me and that he wants us to have a proper relationship.

A male friend of mine said that this is just a line and he is only saying it because he wants me all to himself but will probably continue to see other women as well as me. He said not to see him more than once a week otherwise I will get attached and he will hurt me. I am used to having both types of relationships but feel that casual reltionships need a different set of rules for them to work and for nobody to get hurt.

I think my friend is being over cynical - is he just the type who would never trust anyone?

The man I'm seeing seems to want to spend all his free time with me and wants to meet up in many situations, not just for dating/sex situations and he gets a bit down if I don't text him or can't meet up........but I'm trying to avoid getting too invested. My friend says he's emotionally manipulative and is basically full of BS - is he just being over cynical?

This whole thing is starting to do my head in...

You've only been seeing him a month.

That is too soon to judge either way whether he is just playing you or not.

Keep your distance, arrange more 'dates' where you just spend time together with no sex at the end and see if he keeps up the contact.

Don't get stressed about what your friend says or thinks. Only you will ultimately know. I'd be veering on the cynical side though, have had many experiences like this.

DO not believe anything he tells you at this early stage. He has only known you a month, how can he possibly honestly know whether you are different?

Be wary.

and if he gets a bit down when you can't meet up or don't text, then that is emotionaslly manipulative and would ring alarm bells for me.

What about your friends motive.
Do you think he wants to become more than friends so he is trying to put you off your new man???

I agree with your friend too, I'm afraid

It's far too soon to be wanting to spend odd moments with you - a sane man would still be cautious at this stage; as it is, he's intruding on your spare time. Feeling "down" when he doesn't hear from you is freakishly needy, and manipulative.

Avoid! Or, go for the frantically sexy short-term option, then change your locks & phone number

He could be the type to fall hard then lose interest, but I agree with the above poster that sulking at this early stage is a bit

OK, but I've known him some time, we just haven't dated before...

Yes I did think the sulking was odd - also I forgot to mention that sometimes he copies my status updates on facebook - is this psycho territory?

Jeez, he does what???!!

Maybe it's time to move on - I have a lot of other options...!

listen to your gut instinct, if you're posting on here in month 1, it's doomed.. Have you read the 'too much too soon' thread? Cut your losses, now.

He's either a nutter of some sort (probably an obsessive monogamist in 'love' with the idea of 'The One' to the extent that everyone he gets more than a snog off is The One until she does something like fart in bed or want a night off from romantic staring at one another to see her mates or catch up with her work...) or very manipulative: some non-monogamous men do go in for the big 'But you're different' line because they actually want one Little Woman to be the angel indoors washing their socks while they shag around like rabbits, coming back home each time to promise that you are 'special' and 'too good for me', but that they can't help themselves.
My advice FWIW would be to say to him that you don't want a serious relationship, you are not intending to be monogamous and that both of you are free to have fun elsewhere, at least for the moment. And proceed carefully - the more romantic a man in the early stages TBH the higher the likelihood of him turning abusive, because wildly romantic men who don't know you very well don't care much about you - they have a woman-shaped gap in their fantasies which they have stuck you in, and if you don't follow the script, you're out - and in some cases you have to be 'punished' for not being the right One.

God, SGB, I really wish you'd been around to advise me when XH and I were courting. Mind you, then I wouldn't have had my beautiful boys, so maybe daft things happen for a good reason. Wish I still had my brain though.

Your male friend seems to talk a lot of sense. I would agree with him.

You don't want someone who sulks fgs a month in. What the hell will he be like after a year?

Don't undetstand FB at all but can't imagine status copying (whatever that may be) is a good thing either.

He copies your FB status????!!!???

Seriously, seriously wierd!!!!!!

Get away from him

NOW

I also agree with mamas12 re the friends advice, does this friend normally try to put you off men you meet? Could be keen on you

Thanks for your replies - I have not been able to get onto mumsnet for days because of a problem with my broadband connection.

SGB - I think your view makes a great deal of sense. I've had a chat with him and said to him that I'm a bit freaked out by his approach and that he hasn't known me long enough to make such affirmations and that he needs to slow down. Since then, he has been less full on. I do enjoy his company and at the moment he seems to want me to do normal going out things with him.....but I'm not making any commitments.