I think the relationship with dh is making me ill, just can't get my head around leaving

[minxofmancunia]

Me and dh have always been "fiery" can't be bothered to go into our whole 10 year history but it's been turbulemt yet for most of that time I never doubted that he loved me deeply and would always be there for me.

he turned into a callous, emotionally abusive w**ker following dds birth 3 years ago, I left him temporarily and he came to his senses and made a lot of effort and we got back to wher we'd been before.

Had ds 16 weeks ago and history repeats itself. he winds me up, mocks me antagonises me and is cold, brittle and abript with me aat alltimes. issues threats if I try to talk to him about it, talks over me or winds me up to screaming point then sits there going "volume volume..." in this horrible quiet voice when I'm losing it. I'm seriously sleep deprived and I think I have pnd.

He is showing NO warmth or kindness to me although is doing all the practical stuff such as cooking childcare etc so I can't complain about that. Called me a "stupid bitch" last night over a silly argument over the dishwasher then turned over in bed and started snoring within a couple of minutes.

Tried talking to him about what I would consider emotional abuse this pm and asked him not to call me names all i got was an cold, clipped "I'll try" not even looiking at me.

I genuinley think he's a controlling arseh*e who doesn't give a shit about me, he's so F*king COLD.

We've onlt had sex once since sd was born, I hated it and the thought of doing it again makes me feel sick, i have no libido whatsoever. I think this is making him angry. However the thought of him having sex with someone else doesn't bother me at all.

I think I actually hate him and I have to leave. the arguments are affecting my beautiful dd. When I cry it's because of the dcs not because I'm so gutted about him, he's an idiot. he doesn't know how to terat me with any decency and if I've been up with dsall night throws a strop if I ask for a cup of tea in the morning like f**king teenager.

Apart from him I love my life..that's the problem I cannot afford this house on my own even if i go back full time. I love this house and dream of being in it just me and dcs. He CAN afford the mortgage on his own and I'm sure he uses this fact to control me.

What are my rights? he's been clear if we split up I have to leave not him, we have £50k equity in the property. Am I entitled to maintenance re dcs? If we split we would do 50/50 custody I have no issues with him as a dad, he's great with dcs just a s**t husband.

Am crying now mourning the loss of the man I once knew, warm, kind devoted and loving and the passionate adoring love we had for each other that really did seem to conquer all.

Would try relate if I thought it might help but he thinks he's perfect and evrything is ALL.MY.FAULT. The younger me would have been convinved by this but I'm stronger now and I know I'm not a bad and stupid person.

he used to be my absolute best friend in all the world and now he's my worst enemy.

Sorry to rant, just wondering how to take the next steps. My priority in this is the emotional well being of my chilldern.

I'm not generally much good at relationship posts, but hopefully some more helpful people will be along to advise further
One thing strikes me, you have a 16 week old baby, things are always hard when you have a little baby in the house and the sleep thing does make things worse.
You have managed to turn things around in the past after your DD, is this a possibility this time?
Or do you feel that things are non-salvageable at this point?
It does sound fairly intolerable overall though

darrellrivers thanks for your response. After dds birth he seemed genuinely upset when things came to a head and he never called me names. Now he seems totally cold, unfeeling and almost as if he's enjoying antagonising me. he does behave like a spolit teenager when we don't have sex much, which hardly makes me want to obviously.

It's not that i want him to break down and cry but some emotion about our situation would at least make me think he was bothered.

I told him he could go and have sex with someone else that if it mattered to him that much and the scary thing is I actually meant it and didnt care..

We've turned into a business partnership focussed on the care of our children and the upkeep of this house, that's it.

What a nightmare. He sounds a horrible bully, picking on you when you're at your most vulnerable. There's another similar thread running which might help - about staying with a critical man.

I think you need to get out though, once it reaches the stage where you loathe and resent him, I don't know that there can be a way back or that men like this can change.

chippychippybangbang he's chnaged froma decent man into this, although I have to admit there's always been a bit of darkness lurking there. We got married after 6 years together and I thought after 6 years I knew him inside out, just goes to show...

his dad was emotionally abusive to his Mum but she was a mug and put up with it and as a result is bitter, resentful and tbh a pita. I don't want to end up like this. The only role model he has for relationships is the once he witnessed his parents having which was highly dysfunctional.