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Difficult sex....Help

25 replies

Yorksmum · 12/06/2003 01:56

I am a new member to mumsnet but I have read many of the conversations and found them to be very helpful.

I have decided to post a message to see if anyone can help me with a problem I am experiencing. I gave birth to my DS in April and he was quite large at 9lb 10oz!! It was a difficult birth and it subsequently involved requiring stiches.

My DP and I recently tried to resume full sex but I am finding it very painful. My DP is understandably concerned for me and reluctant to continue trying, but I am feeling very frustrated!! We have tried a few positions, but to no avail.

Have any other mums experienced similar problems (I guess most have!) and what positions worked best for you?

Thanks in advance from two very frustrated parents!!

OP posts:

anonanon · 12/06/2003 08:38

Please forgive me if I am wrong, but it makes me slightly uncomfortable when a new member's one and only posting is about sex positions ... (I've changed my name, btw).


M2T · 12/06/2003 08:42

I waited for about 16 weeks and didn't experience any pain. I was very nervous though coz I thought it would hurt. Perhaps you need to wait a bit longer and give yourself and chance to heal properly.


abbysmum · 12/06/2003 08:47

KY Jelly and patience! 2 months is still early days so don't panic yet. My baby was big (10lb+) and it took a while for the healing to complete.


alibubbles · 12/06/2003 10:07

Don't be too anxious about it hurting, you'll tense up and find it hard to realx, so it will hurt then, because you think it will.

Mine were 9.8 and 9.12 and had no problems, resumed after only two weeks.

RELAX, RELAX, most important and then it will be fine!


M2T · 12/06/2003 10:09

2 WEEKS Alibubbles! You're insatiable...


Gillam · 12/06/2003 10:22

I think after mine we resumed after a very short time too. But yes I definately agreed with the relaxing down. If you think something will hurt it sure will, so do try to relax. May be don't try full sex just yet, just try forplay for a while and then one thing may lead to another and you should be relax and ready.


alibubbles · 12/06/2003 10:44

M2T, why do you think I only have 12 months between DD and DS!


M2T · 12/06/2003 10:49

12 mths!



Gillam · 12/06/2003 11:25

12 Months I can't remember seeing that??!?! I can see 2weeks?


M2T · 12/06/2003 12:06

Gillam - I was referring to 12 mths between the births of Alibubbles 2 children!


Gillam · 12/06/2003 12:09

I kinda gathered that but I can't see anywhere where 12 months was mentioned!!!


Bobsmum · 12/06/2003 12:30

Yorksmum - after a long and difficult delivery and loads of intervention (emg - c-section) dh and I had a few problems too and I was constantly in tears with the pain of trying. After repeatedly going to my GP for about 3 months, he referred me to a dermatologist. She said that my nerve endings had been badly damaged during my delivery (too many medical instruments etc) and diagnosed vulval vestibulitis. Basically 7 months, some local anaesthetic and loads of aqueous cream later everything was back to normal and so much better, but it was a real problem that wouldn't go away.
If your pain persists go and see your GP. I was misdiaognosed as having thrush to begin with, having mow read up on my condition, the one thing that makes the pain worse is canesten - it's too strong.


M2T · 12/06/2003 12:46

Gillum - you confuse me....???

12 months was mentioned in Alibubbles message about the gap between her children Thats all.

Is it me??


Gillam · 12/06/2003 12:52

If you read back over the messages on this thread you will only see that alibubbles mentions her kids were 9.8 and 9.12 ( i take it she was refering to the weights??) Maybe it is me but I cannot see a message where she has said her kids were only 12 months apart.

Maybe you could read back and see if I am missing something? I have read back loads of times to see but cannot find the 12months apart business!!

It is nothing against you M2T i have just gotton a bit confused and lost somewhere along the line!

May be it is the message where alibubbles has asked you why you think she only has 12 months between the ds and dd?


whymummy · 12/06/2003 13:02

10.44 am gilliam right before m2t faints


Gillam · 12/06/2003 13:04

Thanks for clearing that - thought I had gone mad for a min.

I hope I didn't affend you though M2T, you have posted me some nice stuff before!

Shall we forget about it??


M2T · 12/06/2003 13:13

Not offended , but still confused as to what wasn't clear about alibubbles message!

She said there was 12mths btween dd and ds.... isn't that the same as saying there's a 12 mth gap between your 2 children???


Gillam · 12/06/2003 13:16

Think I am going to faint!

Glad your with me whymummy.


prufrock · 12/06/2003 13:18

Gillam -you are not mad it confused me to.

The 10.44am message was not asking why M2T presumed alibubbles had only 12 months between kids but a rhetorical question referencing the fact that the quick resumption of sexual activity in the alibubbles house had led to a short gap between children.


Gillam · 12/06/2003 13:25

Thank you for putting me straight Prufrock - I have obviously been very confused and I am now in full understanding!

My sincer apologies to you M2T, I wasn't with the Rhetoricalness of it (",)!!! I hope you aren't mad with me!!


M2T · 12/06/2003 13:39

Not angry at all! Seriously, I just thought it was all quite funny! If we had been talking face to face that would never have occured. The joys of the internet.

We definitely need more emoticons, perhaps a confused one?


nerdgirl · 12/06/2003 14:19

I'm with Alibubbles, both of my boys were over 10 lbs and I had stitches both times but we resumed sex after two weeks.

I think I was just too horny to notice the pain.

If you don't think you're tensing up then you should definitely see your GP.


Bozza · 12/06/2003 14:40

If you are having trouble relaxing have you tried having a couple of drinks (no more) to relax you that bit.


Libragirl · 12/06/2003 15:00

Poor you, can't help with any advice but you've helped me! I also had big babies and had to have an emergency caeserean and an elective because of it and I've often wondered what it would have been like to have had them 'naturally', now i know....


alibubbles · 12/06/2003 22:09

OOps, I caused a bit of confusion! Sorry !

M2T made a comment that I was insatiable as I had only waited two weeks to resume having sex ( more like 10 days!) Yes, we couldn't wait and that is why there is only a 12 month gap between my children.

I must be very fertile as well, as I was sterilised when DS was 6 months old and fell pregnant 10 weeks after that!

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